The Princess' Pensieve

All or Nothing

2010-03-22T12:14:00.007-04:00

I am a recovering Blackberry addict. How do I know this?
I went the past week without my blackberry and to my surprise it did not make me fret, it made me happy! I was free and I simply enjoyed the company of loved ones.
Once I got back on my own turf though I got right back to switching everything on. I reconnected my 4 different email addresses, my blackberry messenger and my twitter account. I set up my facebook account, I made sure I could still receive all my News updates...you get the point.
Yes, I can do without these for a while but...I mean...if I am paying for the service I might as well get the whole package right? Lol
If one of these had failed to work, I *might* have been pretty frustrated.

I am a loyal friend.
I tell you what I think you should do, then I back out.
I stay right behind the curtains so when something goes wrong I'm right back there, lending my shoulder, handkerchief and heart.
I will never forget your birthday, I will send you a card if you're feeling down - and maybe some Indomie and plantain chips.
For me friendship is a total package. You become my sister, my confidant, my friend.

I believe you either go hard or go home.
Somehow I think God believes the same thing. See He did not create you just so you give Him the remnants -
5 minutes before you fall asleep
5 verses of the Bible a day
A short prayer before meals
2 hours in Church on Sunday
Just a smile to a homeless person.
No, he wants you, flaws and all. Do you know when praying soothes me the most? When I go to God and cry and tell Him what I am too ashamed to tell any other person. When I sniff through a conversation, let Him hold me then send me back to bed. I don't give Him just the happy parts, just the thanksgiving or my Sunday best.
I strive to give Him EVERY BIT of this Princess, because He wants me when I am down, grumpy, giddy, sad, happy, successful, poor, emotional, whatever. When He has all of you it is easier for Him to mold you into the person you were created to be.

I hope this song drives the point home. I tried to find the finished song that I have on my laptop, but I could only find a live recording!
Lots of love xoxo

Springggg Breakkk

2010-03-20T17:22:00.000-04:00

Hey guys!
Just got back from Spring Break. Instead of being grateful for journey mercies and for a beautiful trip, I am in a very blah mood. I hadn't seen my friends in 2 years anD when I finally saw them it was BEAUTIFUL! Honestly after my immediate family, my high school family is next. It's funny cuz we did not even do all the things people think you usually need to do to have a good time - no partying or drinking or any of that. But it was so chilled! And their weather that is usually very crappy was good...someone must have told Mother Nature I was coming, hehe.
Anyway since yesterday I was pretty sad, I really did not want to leave. This morning I was about to cry but I was like nah man I'm a bigss gyel! Lol. As expected I've already looked up ticket prices for a return date.
- If you have friends in your life that you visit just because you want to build memories, thank God.
- If you have friends who do not make you take a cab from the airport, thank God.
- If you have friends who do not make you pay for anything when you get to their city, thank God **it's a recession yo!**
- If you have friends whose friends love you before they even meet you because you are their friend's friend, thank God.
- If you have friends whose clothes and shoes and jewelry you acquire *cough* thank
God.
- If you have friends who you KNOW will be in your life forever, thank God.
- If you have friends who tell you to stop talking to that guy no matter what...or tell you to give this fellow a chance, thank God.
- If you have friends whose older brother makes you feel like a little sister and very much protected, thank God.
- If you have friends who do your hair for free, thank God *woooot! woooot!* haha!
- If you have friends who keep you up till 6am and all you do is gist about any and everything, thank God.
- If you have friends who bring out the best in you and teach you that it is good to have a social life, but it is even more important to be focused and to be the best in whatever you put your mind to, thank God.

My friend asked me why my BBM status was sad and when I told her it was because I did not want to come back to school, she said smile, Jesus loves you.
Soooo I am going to smile because I have these friends, and Jesus knew what He was doing when He brought them into my life and this way, I will cherish what I have - the weekends we spend together, the trips, the birthdays and milestones we witness in each other's lives, ALL OF IT.

On another note we have roughly 5/6 weeks left in the semester, time to throw everything I have into it. I am still not sure what I am doing this Summer - surprisingly I am not fretting too much...*bites nails*
I turned in a couple of applications over the break, I'm gonna sort out a few more before the weekend ends, then sit back and wait for God to open the doors that should be open and close the doors that should be closed.

Between, do you guys ever feel like some laws in the old Testament do not apply to you? It's kind of selective memory, we choose to remember what we want to remember until God directly points it out. I finally got to meet this guy I had heard much about. He is friends with a bunch of my really good friends. He is Christian, he's foineee, and he's really nice. I'm so sure he sees me more as a little sister than anything else, but sometimes I kept thinking hmm what if he was my significant other? Don't worry it was not a crush or anything, I just went off on one of those thinking sprees. The caveat? He has a girlfriend who is sooo nice! I've only met her once though and she's so gorgeous! That's the main reason he is off limits, lol.
When I left the airport today I was thinking about him and a Bible verse just popped
into my head..."Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's wife, house, land, manservant, maidservant, ox, donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
I was just like okay Lord, I get the point. Way to kill that dream. When we think it is nothing major, like Ahab coveting Naboth's vineyard, think back to the little things in your life. Devil starts by sowing a seed, next thing you will flirt with someone that is not your 'property' to start with, then comes lust, and we know how the story goes. Please let's not go into this whole game of not blaming the other woman, but laying all the blame at the feet of the man who cheats on his girlfriend or wife. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you - believe that. So whatever it is, nip it in the bud, it's ALWAYS easier!
Lots of love, and I hope your weather is as good as mine in this city! Summer is finally rearing its head! :-) xoxo

Lots of Love Layla

2010-03-10T23:57:00.002-05:00

There have been very few times I have felt like my heart was literally breaking.
- The months after December 2005. Missing my friends that went to heaven without saying goodbye.
- Lagos. Summer 2006. A very run down orphanage with children who were out of the ordinary, to put it mildly. Their pictures are grafted in my memory forever.
- January 2010. Seeing pictures of all the suffering in Haiti after the earthquake.
- March 2010. Hearing stories of the crisis in Jos, Nigeria. I have been too much of a coward to look at pictures. I saw 2 and my friend described one to me. The description alone made me cry.
- Reading up on Layla Grace. A 2 year old girl who died of cancer on March 9th 2010.
I finally looked at pictures of little Layla before she died, with all her hair gone, playing in the water. It felt like someone was smashing the pieces of my heart.

Today, as soon as you get a chance, tell your Mother/Father/Sister/Brother/Best friend you love them.
Tomorrow is not promised, as cliched as this may sound, especially in today's World.
But most especially, tell Jesus you love Him - because He first loved you.

I am going to attempt to get back to studying and quit complaining about the fact that I am not in the mood for this all-nighter I might have to pull.
Or the fact that I just want Spring break to be here already.
Instead I will be grateful. You know why? Because Jesus loves me, this I know.
I am blessed with the best family ever.
I know what it means to be a friend and I have friends I would trust with the life of my baby brother - that says a lot.
Lots of Love, Princess

Dear Diary

2010-02-27T19:57:00.003-05:00

Hey blog fam!
I've had a very lazy day! Didn't wake up till almost noon. I just finished the book of Romans and one of my friends and I are reading the book of Corinthians. I only read one chapter but there was so much to learn, I kept highlighting, lol.
After that I was sooo hungry then I remembered I was out of groceries. I hardly go grocery shopping because I live in the city so walking back to mine with bags is not really my thing. Also it's been really windy so I only leave my apartment if I have to.
Anyway, I whipped up something then settled down to watch a movie. Can you believe I'd never seen Love and Basketball?
I liked it ~ but maybe I expected much more from it. Oh well, 2 hours of my life gone, can't get those back so I won't complain.
Attempted to read this semi-boring book for my Anthropology class, got distracted because my Mummy called - every day I love her more. Is that even possible? :)
So it's 6pm and I still have not cooked or bought groceries. My friend brought me dinner though, grilled cheese sandwich and wings. To make my diet feel better, I drank water instead of juice! ;)
Watched one episode of Gossip Girl - those writers have really lost the plot!
And here I am, blogging!
You are probably wondering why I am telling you all about my day instead of writing something uplifting or funny or whatever. Well I just remembered this song I loved it in High School and it had a special meaning for me. There was this one guy. We had a thing for years but I guess we were both too proud or whatever. ANYWAY, long story short, in his SS3 when I thought he had finally got the balls to make a 'solid move', lol, he started talking to this other girl who was my friend. They ended up dating and he went with her to prom. He was a year above me so I still had time in school after he graduated but it hurt. I never really talked about it with anyone. The Christmas holiday after he graduated he called me and told me he did not really like her and after I graduate he wants to be with me and blah. Are you kidding doe? I was annoyed but inside I was happy. It was like an Aha! moment. Lol so for me that song was a bit encouraging - babe I'll break up with her and come for you. Stupid me. Now I know any guy that really wants you will stop at nothing until he has you. And whatever will be will be. He did ask me out a bunch of times after that but I turned him down because I could see the end. I believe that if I can see a relationship ending after a year or so, then what's the point? Like I am not interested in dating for dating sake. So yea, that is that story. I wanted to write this in a diary and reminisce a bit instead of blogging about it but I only have a journal. I mean that would do, but I like to use that for when the Holy Spirit speaks to me. And then I thought of getting a new blog that would just be a dairy but I don't know how I feel about having my business on the Internet, EVERYDAY!
So here I am, telling you guys about silly secondary school crush.

"Young love - full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality".

Fear

2010-02-16T22:52:00.003-05:00

**Have you ever lost a loved one, who you thought should still be here? Do you know what it feels like, to be tangled up in fear?**

That was the part of this song that caught my attention. Not as often as before but these days, at least once a week I remember some people I lost who it feels should definitely still be here - I remember them in the roles they would have been playing and the places I imagined they'd be today, and then I give it all to God and say Daddy, let your will be done, help me accept it and keep me strong till I see them again.
Sometimes that is not enough to stop the fear. For instance, I am no longer scared of being in a plane crash, but I am scared everytime a loved one has to fly. It is almost a certain kind of paranoia for my family members, but it is almost as bad for my friends. This is wrong and I KNOW this is not what God intended for me. 2 Timothy 1:7 says: "For God has not given us a Spirit of fear but of power, of love and of a sound mind.
What I love most about that verse is the power!
I mentioned a conference I went for this weekend - the power of the Holy Spirit. Like, WOW! I have never been so aware of it in my life. It was like we all forgot the devil even existed. See what we do not understand as Christians is Jesus ALREADY fought the battle, He already defeated the devil and took the key from him. We are FREE. Free to speak to that mountain move, and it will move. Free to succeed. Free to be healed. Free to overcome principalities and powers because of the Spirit in us. Free to live!
Yet we let the devil keep us in fear. I am re-reading one of my favorite books, This Present Darkness. I read it 2 years ago and I was a bit scared but it made me aware of the power of prayer. When I started it this time I thought I was going to get scared all over again because it makes you so aware of the fact that there are evil powers out there, but I remembered that I am already an overcomer, and that was what happened this weekend at the conference. ALL Focus was on God's power. His healing power, His love, the way He soothes me, all that good stuff. Like I am more confident in my Christianity and the resources Jesus has given me. The truth is the devil is already under my feet. He only has as much power as I give him.

So tomorrow, let yourself fall. I promise God will catch you. If He does not, He'll give you a parachute to help you land, if He does not, He'll be right there to put the pieces together when it seems all is broken. But remember that you are only able to see tomorrow because He has hope in what you can do for that new day. It's like everyday He gives us new slates to start on, a new page to rewrite the mistakes of yesterday. Don't let fear keep you from pressing on and don't give the devil a title he does not even own.

"The devil is the only 'king' who does not have the keys to his 'palace'. My Master has them" :)

Conference + Filtering

2010-02-11T01:22:00.002-05:00

Hi guys!
Sorry I haven't blogged in a bit. I started two separate posts on Love and Patience, but, well, I got side tracked! I'll definitely get to those asap. In the mean time, we've been snowed in since last weekend. At first it was fun with no school and all, now I'm just tired o jare. Now all the school work slated for this week will be moved to next week. Bring on the all nighters. *sigh
On a brighter note, I'm sooo excited for this weekend. Have a conference I've been looking forward to since forever and it starts Friday. I really can't wait. I NEED to be filled anew by the Holy Spirit. Need some of that new anointing and fire =)
If you're snowed in, be safe and don't go outside unless you have to (I sound like my Dad, lol)
Also an idle man is the devil's workshop, so use your time wisely but most importantly, remember to filter what you take in. I realized that these days I visit celebrity gossip websites/blogs a bit too much. Not even just those but the news for instance. I read the news A LOT. Sometimes though I spend too long on a particular website reading everything. Yes, I believe that no knowledge is ever wasted, but when all of this information overload replaces the Bible verses I learnt as a child and all that good stuff, then we have a problem.
1 Corinthians 10:23 says --> Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Another version puts it this way, "All things are lawful, but not all things are expedient".
So be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear, mouth what you say, hands what you touch, (you get the point), for your Father up in heaven is looking down on you.
Love xxx

Shivers

2010-01-28T10:23:00.002-05:00

Hiii guys,
My 2nd blog entry in one week, I am making progress, *hehe
This is not really an entry. I was worshipping and I got goosebumps. God is sooo awesome. If you're reading this give Him a wiper. I can't hold it in, I just have to share.
Today He led me to Revelations 3:8 which says "I know your deeds. See I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name".
Yesterday I had such little strength, and I almost slept with anger. I was frustrated and spent. This morning He woke me up with His promises!!
Listen to this song. Hopefully it'll give you shivers too!

The Word

2010-01-27T11:49:00.003-05:00

I need to write.
I need to pour out my feelings somewhere and empty myself so I can be filled.
I just got some weird/bad news. Nothing too drastic but you know when you think you have everything all planned out then a piece of the puzzle is missing that messes everything else up?
I really do not understand God's ways and yes, His ways are not our ways.
So I am waiting in His sanctuary because I neeeeed to be filled.
If you are reading this, I would appreciate a prayer or two.
Wooooo-sahhhh...

Today I want to talk about the Word. I am attracted to this guy who is 8 years my senior. It's not a crush I am enjoying, I want it to go away because if it is God's will for my life, it will come back. Until then, it is distracting me.
Last week in Bible study the speaker talked about how we spit out what we take in.
If I read romance novels constantly, my thoughts are filled with make-believe prince charming-s
If I read Chemistry, I'm thinking formulas.
If I watch BET, I am thinking excessive exposure of our temples, songs that do not glorify God, and generally things of the flesh.
The same way the more I 'stalk' *cough* this guy, the more I create my wedding in my head.
And yet again the same way if I stay in my Word, the more my Spirit thrives and the quicker my flesh dies. Over the weekend and part of last week it seemed like the Spirit kept leading me back to my word. Not particularly Bible passages, but just telling me I need to study more. Sometimes I complain that I cannot hear God's voice, yet the one He has given me in the form of the Bible, in plain black and white, I refuse to study as often as I should.

For the word of God is hidden and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. >> Hebrews 4: 12, 13

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. >> 2 Timothy 3:16, 17

But by the word I do not only mean the Bible.
John 5:39 says>> You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about Me, yet you refuse to come to Me to have life.

Yes, "Many books inform, but only one transforms - the Bible"...Jesus is the word. Stay rooted in Him, because all else is sinking sand.

P.s, listen to this song. It just gave me peace.

The greatest of these is Love - God is Love

HAITI

2010-01-15T09:17:00.004-05:00

This is the most I have ever blogged in one day, lol but both my classes for today were canceled so I am free-ish! Yes, school is back in session *sigh*
This also means that my Family has left for Nigeria. Sad times. I miss them so much! The older we get the less time we have to spend together.
This Christmas was so beautiful. My sister's graduation was a success, God is faithful, don't let them deceive you.
This year I'm chasing after God, along with a host of other resolutions, like going to the gym 5 times a week. I must say, so far so good w the gym part, lol. I decided to read the book of Romans and I am doing that with a friend. It is mostly so we encourage each other and make sure the other person is not slacking. Today I read Chapter 1. I loved so many of the verses, had my highlighter in hand and all! But mostly verse 21 which says, "For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened."
Why do we think we know more than the one who created us? I immediately flipped to James 2:19 which says, "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder."
Knowing something is not enough. Sometimes we pride ourselves on how much you know, but that can only get you so far. Psalm 111:10 says "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" and Proverbs 1:7 replaces the word 'wisdom' with 'knowledge'.
I know there is a God, but sometimes I do not fear Him enough to make out time for Him. Not 5 minutes when I'm on the metro, or 10 when I'm in the loo, or a quick prayer before an exam, but the best of my time. Time I could be using to watch a movie, read a novel, gist with a friend, facebook or tweet. The best that I have, that's what He deserves, and even more.
So as we make our new year resolutions, let us remember to reverence God and respect the work of His hands, His creation. And let us remember that it is not enough to KNOW there is a God...that alone won't get you into heaven.

On another note, I am tired of reading the news because as more and more unfolds about the situation in Haiti it just gets more disheartening. So instead of talking or reading about it, I am praying for them. Please do that as well, not in the cliched way, but pray as if you really want God to do something about it. Then act! Actions speak louder than words:
Donate here or here or here
Be your brother's keeper...without expecting anything in return.
Love, Xxx

It's A New Daaaay!

2010-01-15T09:12:00.004-05:00

Hellooooo everyone!
I know it's 2 weeks into the new decade, but Happy New Year, Happy New Month and Happy New Decade!
This was the most excited I have ever been for a new year! Omg I could not wait. I have so many hopes and dreams for the year and by God's grace He will take me, and all of us to greater heights in Him.
Remember, old things have passed away, so forget about whatever you have been through and don't limit God, He is ready to do bigger and brighter things with all of us as long as we remember Psalm 37:4 >> Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Love, love, love
Princess Xxx

Stubborn Clay

2009-12-23T00:38:00.004-05:00

Hello Loves!

It is that time of the year again, CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

My first complete white Christmas. This past weekend we had over 20 inches of snow in this area! Definitely a record for the part of Americurr I am in! It was beautiful, my family was not too pleased. They are too used to the heat! I do not believe I am not going to Nigeria, but the fam is in so I feel like I'm at home, totally. With the crayfish smells, and pepper soup in the freezer, Garri in a bowl, noise - lots and lots of it - and gyea, just all-round house girl-ish duties, lol.

I am very grateful to God for journey mercies. This was the longest I had gone without seeing my little sisters. My baby brother is sooo grown now it is unbelievable. Anyway, enough about them.

Tomorrow is my older sister's graduation. Well, technically it's today since it's almost 1am. My outfit is still at the tailor's *moment of silence*.

It's going to be a full house tomorrow and I am very grateful that God provided money for her tuition, and generally saw her through 4 years of school. She's done with the first step of her road to becoming a doctor. woop! woop!

This week I have gone through a bunch of emotions. My tailor back home has my measurements all mixed up so the 3 beautiful outfits my Mum made for me did not fit. I had to find another tailor in America but before then I had a bout of low self esteem-ness. I am not fat, by any standards, but all my sisters are model-skinny, so I erm, kind of stand out, lol. Anyway, I was very self conscious when they tried on their outfits and they fit while mine was just odd. Since then I have been saying Kate Moss' Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels' over and over again in my head. Sometimes it is as a joke, other times it is because in my heart of hearts I want to be petite. Dear Lord, please help me be satisfied with my body because Psalm 139:14 says "I will praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made".

All of this week I have been getting bad news, grades wise. Classes I assumed I was assured of an A are now spitting out Bs. Another self esteem blow. I do not know if it is that I was a bit over confident. But I never claimed the glory for myself or made it an issue of 'oh now I'm focused so I'll do better'. I also do not know what lesson I am supposed to get out of all this. This is the major reason my week has been upside down.

Today my Mum took me to get a manicure and do my eye brows. As usual, I was impatient and brought my hands out of the dryer before the nail polish was properly dry. As usual, one finger got smudged. While the lady re-did my nails I thought about my relationship with God and how it is similar to this.

Clearly He is the potter but I am like stubborn clay. Telling Him I want to be beautiful and useful but not letting He who sees my future mold me the way He deems best.

I ask for God to give me oil in my lamp and keep it burning till the bridegroom comes.

I ask for God to birth a hunger and thirst for Him in me and let it grow instead of waning.

Yet I never stay long enough in the Holy of Holies and the seat of His 'heat' to let the fire consume me, all of me and totally dry up on me before I jump up and do my own thing.

So, like the nail polish that smudges which I desire to make me more beautiful, my focus and fire smudge and get blurry when I refuse to sit still and let God surround me.

In 2010, I am going to work on Letting Go and Letting God. And not just the saying, but actually applying it to my life.

So Baba Jesus, I do not understand why my grades are going kolomental but yes, I'll trust You Lord.

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Judge Judy

2009-12-11T22:28:00.004-05:00

Last night forward slash this morning I stayed up later than I usually do because I had to study for my french Final.
It was while I was reviewing all I had to that I stumbled on this song 'Healer'
It's so funny the way the Holy Spirit works. Nothing about Him is random. After listening to this song, I googled the man in question, Michael Guglielmucci. Apparently, he had deceived his congregation, family and millions around the World that he had cancer. He did this for two years when in fact no doctor had ever diagnosed him as being a cancer patient. When the news broke everyone was shocked. Yes, people had made donations to his cause but that was not the point, it did not seem like he was after the money plus his family had promised to return the money and all that good stuff.
It was more so, why would someone deceive everyone that cares about them so much? Why would you want to put your family and loved ones through all this pain? Some say he wanted fame, and this brought him more attention than anything else. Others, and Michael himself stated that he used the cancer as a cover up, some sort of diversion. Truth is Michael was addicted to pornography, he had been for some years now so when he told everyone he had cancer it shifted their attention from this young man, this human being who was battling with addiction to pornography to this strong pastor whose eyes were set on the Lord despite the doctor's diagnosis.
He released this song and it moved THOUSANDS, literally.
After I watched that video I forwarded the song to one of my friends and when I woke up this morning the first thing I saw was an email from her.
She mentioned how she only found the song/video the day before because she was praying for her friend who was not feeling too well. But then she said after she read all the stories about him she got upset at his deceit and all that. It was not until I sent her the video that she realized God wanted her to see it.
Maybe see it for more than what it was?
Matthew 7:1 says "Do not judge so that you too will not be judged"

That is a Bible verse I try to live by.
But then I watched this video of my angels
4 years ago yesterday, on December 10th 2005, 60 of our friends, classmates, table members, boyfriends, girlfriends, sisters and brothers from High School were involved in a plane crash, along with many other people. At least 10 of them were my really good friends.
I tried to stay off facebook yesterday because most of my friends' statuses were dedicated to them but it is not just that I was sad because truth be told, I wasn't.
It was more so, 4 years later, what does Nigeria have to show for what we went through?
And then I watched this video and remembered the promises we made as students after the plane crash. All the pledges we made and one caught my eye:
We shall pray for Nigeria.
All I do is yap my country, well more often than not. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE NIGERIA, but there are times when I just get burdened and angry. Like I ask why this, why that.
How is it that in the 21st century we do not have constant light or water or enough good schools? Why are lecturers going on strike? Why can't they get paid?
Oh wow the list is long. But most importantly why did my friends die. This could have been avoided, right?
And that's where it starts. I judge everyone that might have played a part, from the top all the way to the bottom.

4 years later I am such a stronger person for all this. I am not angry at the World anymore but one thing I am is grateful. Through all this God taught me to '...lean not on my own understanding but in all my ways acknowledge Him'. [Proverbs 3:5-6]
He taught me that if at first I do not succeed I can pick myself up and try again.
He taught me that what does not break me will only make me stronger.
And He taught me that He heals.
He taught me that He makes all things work together for good for those who love Him.

It is because of that last bit that I refused to judge Michael Guglielmucci. Not because we all make mistakes, but because of the awesome way God brought glory to His name DESPITE the devil's plans.
Remember, if you don't want to praise Him He will raise up the stones to praise Him.

When we pray, we tap into miraculous things.

RIP my boos. I stay missing you! Xxx

Random Tantrum

2009-12-04T21:38:00.003-05:00

So it's 9pm on a Friday night. What am I doing? Well I just had my first meal of the day *3 hearty cheers for Chipotle - Woot! Woot! Woot*
I am supposed to be writing a paper but I am a bit restless so I figured I would blog instead. First off, happy new month loves! Make the best of Decemberrr, our last few days in 2009! :)
Feel free to make a difference wherever you can before the year runs out -
Smile at a homeless person
Drop a dollar, a pound or 100 Naira here and there
Or even go as far as giving one of them your breakfast and watch the way their eyes light up!
Make up with that friend you've been beefing all year or semester round.
Call your mum and dad and apologize for that thing you did that you know was wrong.
Text that girl you hurt, tell her you're sorry, and actually mean it. Then give her her space so she can heal instead of getting hung up on you and pining for 'another shot at the r/ship'.
Tell that guy you're tired of seeing him instead of cheating - nothing good ever came out of cheating.

Okay, this post is taking a turn I did not intend for it to take! Lol
I initially meant to complain about my crush
The first crush I ever had was on Michael Jackson. I was somewhere between 7 and 9. Yaaa...we all know how far that got me.
But this one is different. I am much older so I know what I am looking for in a guy - either that or I really just want to know what it feels like to fall in love, like so deep in love plus it has been a while since my last serious relationship. That does not the change the fact that like MJ, this guy is VERY much out of my league *major sad face*
Like I actually just want to move back to Nigeria at this point just so hopefully I would bump into him somewhere, anywhere! [Let a girl dream, okay?]
I am praying God takes away this urge. Okay, that's not completely true. At the back of my mind I am hoping he is the one God chose for me to marry before timeee, that way eventually destiny will pull us together - ewww that sounded so cheesy. Yuck Princess!

Fast forward to reality. I spoke to my mummy, little sister and baby brother last night. I miss them! My brother is really growing up oh and he does the silliest things these days. Countdown till I see them is in full effect.

I wish I was going home for Christmas though. There is no place like Nigeria for Christmas break. Plus I have never spent a Christmas/New year away from the village, yup, we're gangsta like that! Hehe. Does not help that it is supposed to snow this weekend. There go my plans to go get my hair done. I am probably just going to stay in my apartment all day which sucks because I have no groceries so here's a toast to a day of Indomie and water. Bliss.

Okay, I am complaining too much, but I am just in one of those moods. Plus I want to go out dancing. Which is conflicting since I thought it was one of those things I had completely given up on top of this I want to go to London. I miss my best friends!!!
All these make for a not-so-happy Princess :(

Despite my mood, I pray you have a blessed weekend. Don't be like me and forget, for even a second, that God is on the throne. I am just throwing a tantrum but hopefully someone who sees this will remember that no matter where you are, where you're coming from or where you're going to, Jesus is always and forever there and He specializes in meeting us at our points of need and carrying the burden. So do you and let Him do His part :) xxx

Through God's Eyes

2009-11-19T22:07:00.003-05:00

*Stolen and tweaked a little bit*

My dear child,
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to the Christian, says, "No, not until you are satisfied and content with living, loved only by me alone to have an intensely personal and unique relationship. I love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will NEVER be united with another until you are united with Me - exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning , stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. Keep watching Me, expecting the GREATEST things. Keep that attitude knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait, don't be anxious and worry. Don't look around at what others have gotten or who I have given them. Don't look at the things or relationships you think you want. Just keep looking up to Me, or you will miss what I have to show you.

When you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you will ever dream. You see, until the one I have for you is ready, (I am working this minute to have you both ready at the same time) and until you are both satisfied with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me -PERFECT LOVE. And my dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and enjoy materially and sincerely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you -Myself.

I love you utterly,

Your heavenly Father.

Handling Doses of Love

2009-11-16T20:32:00.003-05:00

I remember back in Secondary School, it was always sooo annoying hearing guys say "I like 2 girls" or "I have a crush on 2 girls". I always thought, wth are you on about? It is not possible to like more than one person dammit!
Years later, I think I understand what they mean.
For the past month I've been gushing about this guy who is more or less a Nigerian celebrity. I'm at that point in my life where I am ready to settle down in a serious relationship. Maybe not tomorrow, but I just know that I'm past having flings and all that. On that note, I'm not trying to say I would marry this guy *even though Lord knows I wouldn't say no!!* lol. But I just want to meet him. I follow him on twitter and he seems to have a wonderful sense of humor. I need someone to keep me laughing even when life brings some lows. But it goes beyond that. He's smart. Seeing the way he has marketed himself and all that, plus the kind of 'tweet-versations' he's engaged in -is that even a word??!-
I find myself googling a bunch of stuff after reading his tweets, just because no knowledge is ever wasted. Doesn't hurt that he's foine! No harm in wanting a face you can look at when you're old and in a rocking chair! Anyway, this post isn't about him. I've bugged him so much on twitter I fear he's tempted to block me.
This is beyond that though. It's more in line with the times I feel the need to 'gush' about him. Most times he does not even cross my mind until I get online. And sometimes I'm just like, this dude has too many chics who'd give up an arm and a leg for him. it's bad enough that guys get tempted but I'm not trying to bag a lad that I can't even enjoy for myself with every lady and their grandma vying for his attention as well.
It's at times like this that I turn to this other guy...who by the way I haven't met either #dontjudgeme
His brother is one of my friends and we have a bunch of mutual friends but I have never actually met him. A few days ago I was telling my friend that I never thought I'd see the day when I'd crush on 2 guys...but here I am, day dreaming of being with BOTH of them!
Yesterday in Church during worship we sang this song I specifically love this part:

I have a Father, He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

It got me thinking about how easily we take God for granted. Sometimes we say, oh I need a bf or a gf but do you ever step back and think about WHY you 'want' this person in your life? Because believe me, it's not a need. Usually we just want this person to validate us. Someone to say "you're beautiful" or someone to call you for 3 hours everyday and someone to tell you you are loved. What's the guarantee that this will make you feel better about yourself? At most, you'll be on cloud 9 for a couple of minutes or an hour or so, but after that, life goes on. Why is it so easy to want validity in human beings who betray our trust than God who says He is faithful, even when we are faithless?
I thought about the words to that song and I thought, wow! God does call me His own. Even when I have mood swings, He'll never leave me. Even when I try to keep my thoughts to myself, and when I cry in the comfort of my room/apartment or the silence of my heart, He sees and He is ready to comfort me and ease my pain.
So let's try handling the love God constantly throws at us before we yearn for the love of a guy or girl. God's love is stable and when it throws surprises at you, they are always good ones. You're never going to sit up thinking why doesn't He love me anymore? Or why isn't He calling me, because God doesn't do any of that! When you fully understand God's love and you get your daily dose, trust me you'll be better able to understand and handle the love of man!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Random Thoughts + 19th Birthday!

2009-11-09T21:25:00.004-05:00

I was talking to one of my best friends today about this guy my friends "claim" likes me. I say claim because he has not told me yet, he only told people that he knew would tell me and I am past the stage of believing 'dem-say, dem-say story'. But besides that, I think he just likes the IDEA of liking me. Like he wouldn't mind having something with me because of the possible benefits...
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is, my friend said I should not get into anything serious until I actually see qualities in him that I like, besides his dimples [I AM A SUCKER FOR DIMPLES -- it is actually pretty bad!]

This got me thinking a little bit. For most of Summer break and particularly this semester, I have kind of retreated. I almost never talk on the phone except it is to my family members, my friend that goes to school with me or my friend in New York; I chat on skype but only with specific people, and I don't BBM as often as before.

What am I doing with all this time? SLEEPING! Lol, okay jk. I am using this time to figure out who I am. Most of the time I am just reading and not necessarily my school books, but articles, essays and things like that or I am listening to a Gospel song and humming along. But majority of the time I am thinking. I think a lot, sometimes a bit too much and this can be a bad thing because when I get into one of those moods I think about everything and anything. The highs and the lows in my life.
I turned 19 on Wednesday and from here on, I am trying to map out what to do with my life. Trying to figure out who I am and figure out which friends pull me up and which ones bring me down. Trying to figure out which guys are worth 2 hours of phone battery power after midnight and which ones really just want to get 'some'.
This is all a work in progress because sometimes I think I have things all figured out then something suddenly happens and slaps me in the face.

This semester I have focused on calling my little sister and brother back in Nigeria more often, and on spending more time on the phone with my mother.
I have focused on cooking for my brother more often and going home solely to clean up the kitchen that I know, in true bachelor lifestyle, he has left a mess.
I have focused more on spending less and less time 'chasing friends'. Those that want me will find me.
I have focused more on just sitting and watching. Doesn't mean I do not have an opinion, but I really don't have the energy to get into an argument with anyone. You do you and watch me do me.
I have focused on telling the Trinity about my love...even though I don't always show it! *Lurve you audience of One :D*

I know this blog post is a tad bit disjointed, but somethings happened today, infact a bunch of stuff have happened since my 19th birthday last Wednesday and I was about to get into one of those thinking modes.
Instead of letting that come on me and subsequently spending an hour or two in self-pity, I decided to write.

I hope the first 10 months of your year have been as fruitful as you'd hoped. If not, the year is not over yet!
I also hope that everyday, every week you get closer to figuring out what you want from life and what you want from other people, but you cannot know this without knowing who you are.
So take some time to examine yourself. Your strengths and weaknesses; the areas that need tweaking and the parts you need to brush up on for the rest of the World to see...
Tell Jesus where you want to go and what you want to be -- then step out of your comfort zone, let go, flap your wings a little bit, and watch Him be the wind behind your wings!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Living, Laughing, Loving

2009-10-28T00:28:00.005-04:00

So I'm not even going to get into a whole apology, because I will probably disappear again.
Sophomore year is very much underway and aLot has happened.

-- We started a Bible study on my campus. It's been rough, VERY rough but God is faithful and He will never abandon His business. Some days I want to throw in the towel but I am growing and learning everyday :)

-- 1st batch of midterms and all are over. I'm doing much better this semester. Don't want to say much about that before I jinx everything else, lol

-- The fam should be in town for Christmas. YAY! Been contacting agents and such but I am sooo excited! This is the longest I have gone without seeing my younger sisters. And the thought of a white Christmas just got a whole lot better knowing my favorite people will be around!

-- I have a semi crush on this guy. I haven't had a crush in a while actually. But no, it's nothing serious...especially as he is already taken..Yarr!

-- I tweet!! *hangs head in shame* Yes, I was THE greatest twitter basher and I fought it so hard. Even in the beginning after I joined I was ready to leave but I stuck around a little bit and now I actually like it! I'm not yet an addict sha, but with the help of UberTwitter Imma be there sooner than you know it. *sighh

-- In a week I am officially the birthday girl! Don't you love new beginnings? And cards? And presents? And just love in general from everyone? Well I do! If nothing else for the Ice cream, and Chocolate cakes I'm ordering! Oops! Can't forget Red Velvet cupcakes! Cool your temper sha, they're not all for me. I'm having a mini 'ges-togerra' so that should be fun. Maybe dinner and a night of karaoke over the weekend...now if only I can find good karaoke places in the city, that would be grand!

-- I finally got my uggs. I'm sorry...but I'm still excited. Especially as this is the most money I've ever spent on myself. Please why are they so expensive? As in yahh they're comfy and all but still...Anyway! Love them!

-- A bunch of my friends just started Uni. Thank God for the end of the A-levels era...and they're loving it! So I'm grateful for that!

-- I'm trying to be a better worshipper...after all we were created to worship, n'est pas? I'm also trying to learn a lot on love. And also trying to actually implement it! BUT I am trying to devote less time to my friends. Not in a mean way, but I have a lot of self discovery to do. So less time on my phone, blogger (lol), BBM (that evil thing!), facebook (next generation Hi5) and you get the point sha. I need to figure myself out before I can solve the problems of the rest of the World! Plus sometimes being friend of the masses gets tiring. I know where I want to be at 26...and I won't get there by wasting my time! *like I've been doing in the library for the past 2 hours...pretending to study :(*

-- I've accepted that nothing good ever comes out of judging others. CB put this video up and it made me Aaaww...HARD! iMean, at the end of the day, he is a human being. He is good at what he does...and Jesus loves him the same way he loves me. So shout out to all the #ChrisBrownStans! hehe!

-- I've realised that believing in people can sometimes cause a bit too much heartache than is necessary. I am a work in progress. As a result, I am still learning this, "Don't let someone else's fear or sadness or death or departure become yours." 'The Earth is for the Living' - Thomas Jefferson
I let people get to me too much. Then I hold it in. I don't tell them (most times they are no longer around for me to tell...or I am afraid to risk whatever the outcome may be by telling them, so I hold it all in. But I'm going to start by telling God, over and over again until the Holy Spirit tells me what to do. Baby steps y'all, baby steps! :D

Okay, 9.30am class tomorrow! Ugh! Lemme stop fooling myself, time to leave the library.
Hope you've all been alive and well?

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Expectations

2009-09-16T23:55:00.004-04:00

Expectation - The act of Expecting; With Eager Anticipation...eyes shining and all

At my friend's bridal shower in July when the Mothers/married women gave their 2 cents and words of advice one thing stuck w me and that is the negative effect of taking so many expectations into your marriage, relationship, anything. I'll speak for myself when I say that I already have an image of my wedding, my husband and my marriage. Oh I can't see all the ups and downs, who wants to picture the negative aspects? But I know how I want my husband to be. I want him to bring me roses on Wednesdays, I want to wear his Tshirt after our wedding night, I want him to show me off to his friends, I want him to captivate me with his eyes as I walk down the aisle to this *okay you get the point*

The problem with these images forward slash pictures is if/when these do not happen I will be disappointed and possibly a tad bit annoyed. I have formed these images in my mind without taking into consideration that this guy is not in my mind so he does not know how I'd like things to be done. Oh he might have an idea of what I want and the things that make me smile, but he won't do things just as I'd imagined.

Same thing applies to boyfriends. I usually tell my friends not to get too upset because of what he did or did not do. Especially if he has a 'jerk' history *cue this -- I jest!* Or if he is just runzing/chiking you. Don't expect him to call you everyday, or say the things you want to hear. It's kind of like when you are already down, the only place to go is up. So when you have no expectations of someone whose actions you cannot control you do not set yourself up for disappointment. On the other hand you are easily surprised and excited at the littlest thing they may do.

Well I got into this rant because the school year just started and I have an apartment on campus with my own room and all which is nice. On the flip side, my flat mates are not as nice as I'd pictured, not even nearly. The most snubbish one got into a fight w her bf yesterday and now they are having a kiss and make-up session. No, I am not against PDA, far from, but when we are not friends and you bring your business to the space that we all share, knowing all the while that it is disturbing me/filtering into my own space, then I have a problem. It's unfortunate because I had always pictured college roommates as your girlies. Shop together, have movie nights and maybe stay up and gossip (I know, I am a dreamer). Yet we are not even acquaintances, we are just strangers living together. C'est la vie

On to better and brighter things. This song has been stuck in my head since Tuesday!! Like I have it on repeat, which means I am going to tire of it soon :(
Once again forgive my long absence. Back to school preparations + the workload from 3 weeks of Sophomore year really got to me. Usually I am so passionate about a topic that I insist on blogging about it, but by the time I get to my laptop something distracts me, or I have already talked it over w someone else, or you get the gist. :)
But I hope you are all having a blessed month and enjoying the last views of Summer Sun before winter visits...boooo to that!

xxx's and Jesus loves you! :D

Bad hair Day...or week!

2009-08-18T11:28:00.006-04:00

Am I the only one that hates moving out forward slash unpacking and repacking?
My parents are in Nigeria so before they left I chose their room as my summer joint before my brother or sister could choose it. As I speak my stuff is everywhere! Heels on the shoe rack, dresses hanging, tops in the drawer, make up and jewelry on the dresser, novels and Bible on the bed stand, plus the usual odds and ends.
Now we have a family coming over for a week or so and I have been given marching orders!!
Time to move back into the girls' room w more clothes than our tiny wardrobe can fit. I don't even know where to start from!!!
So before any of my sisters figure out what I am up to, I'm off to give away any clothes I haven't seen them wear in the past 2 summers! Salvation army here I come! Woooo!

On another note, my hair is a hot mess and I need suggestions!!! There's a wedding this Saturday and my only day off work is Friday so someone please tell me what to do before then! I think I want to go w a wavy weave. Something daring before I have to move into school next week and something a little bit sexy yet not too over the top for the wedding. *sassy and sweet* Lol!
Have a blessed week!
Oh before I forget, I just found out that my scholarship this year is so much more than last year's! Whoever said miracles don't exist clearly doesn't know my God!!!! Now my Daddy can stop having sleepless nights! Hahaa! :D
Okay done rambling!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Be The Change You Want To See

2009-08-09T01:58:00.002-04:00

2 years ago my God-father's daughter was on the bus to school w her friends and as usual, they migrated to the back of the bus. Yes, it is sometimes the cool thing to do. The irony in all this went unnoticed until someone said 'Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat for us and now we insist on taking the backseat' -- or something like that, I paraphrase terribly.

I was semi-screening/semi-facebook stalking a tentative toaster for my best friend as her Internet in Nigeria is crap and came across a picture of MKO Abiola *if you do not know who that is, hide under a rock w Google for the next couple of hours*
Anyway, one thing led to another and I just kept reading up on a bunch of politicians/those involved in one way or the other in some political quest.
Most of them met embarrassing deaths at the hands of the military regime. I wonder at Nigeria's boldness. Even after Ken Saro-Wiwa's execution resulted in Nigeria's suspension from the Commonwealth of Nations they still no dey fear?

I can't talk anymore about the state of NEPA/PHCN. It is nothing but a joke and a camouflage.
I can't talk about the current strike. It must be frustrating not being able to plan your graduation party or future accurately because you have no idea when school will be in session and when it won't.
I can't talk about the crisis in the Niger-Delta or the fact that we import diluted/adulterated crude oil despite all the resources God has blessed us w.
I can't talk about the kidnapping in the East. Bar exaggeration, that region needs intercession. It is the norm to have 'mopole' drive w your children in the car because you do not have millions of Naira to give away to kidnappers.
I can't talk about the filth or the poverty.
I can't talk about water, or the lack thereof.
I can't talk about the corruption.
I can't talk about the terrible exchange rate.
I can't talk about the aviation industry and the fact that after 4 years, no one can still tell me what exactly was wrong w the plane that took my friends down.
These things give me a headache. And frankly, I am not going to lose my voice shouting over Nigeria, at least not tonight.

What I can do is pray.
Pray that if, not when, our generation is given the reins of power, we decide to be held accountable for our actions.
Pray that the hungry are fed, the homeless are noticed.
Pray that the lecturers are paid.
Pray that there is no longer a need for generators.
Pray that we capitalize on natural resources other than Crude Oil, the Agricultural sector perhaps?
Pray that we can go back to the glory days our parents never cease to talk about, when $1 = N0.70 or so
Pray that Ken Saro Wiwa, Kudirat Abiola, Moshood Kashimawo Olawale Abiola, Dele Giwa and those who fought for democracy did not die in vain.
Pray that the loved ones of the Ibo's killed during the Biafran war will never again be given a reason as much as desire to break away from Nigeria.
Pray that we bring forth leaders and not looters.

EFCC might not indict you, but God will, so don't be fooled.

xxx's and Jesus loves you! :D

Juanita Bynum!!!

2009-07-25T07:34:00.004-04:00

Have you ever asked God: "Lord, why am I single?" Well, maybe this is your answer.
I love Juanita Bynum's music, but today I have a new found respect for her. If you can spare 10 minutes, please watch the first clip of her No More Sheets preaching and maybe you'll find your answer...!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgXvq3-jAc4&feature=related
So my sister is breathing down my neck because she thinks I am going to make her late for this conference we have this morning. Why doesn't anyone believe I have changed w regards to my timing? Lol.
Have a blessed and well rested weekend!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Imperfections

2009-07-21T11:38:00.004-04:00

Last night I decided to go into hiding.
As Lolia put it, "put my solo cape on and fly far, far away"
I decided this for many reasons. One was this video:
http://christianaa.blogspot.com/2009/07/friendship-detox.html
Yes, I thought it'd be 'cool' to see who would seek me out after my fake death

But besides that, I realised that the majority of my closest friends are either in Jand or Canada, not America. And taking into consideration the recession of Twenty-Oh-Nine it means most of my conversations with them are either via skype or facebook or BBM (Wooooo! crackberry hotties)
As a result, any phone vibrations are either from the parents in the motherland or my Yankeegerians. This summer I have been feeling most of my friendships slipping away or getting distant, kind of like a seasonal friend feeling. So instead of fighting for those friendships like the old me would do, I have decided to go into my shell, hurt and heal silently.

--That was Yesterday--

Today during fellowship Nicky Gumbel talked about Adam and Eve after they disobeyed God and ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and how embarrassed they were in the Garden of Eden when they realised they were naked so they decided to hide and cover up their nakedness.
This got me thinking and I realised I am retreating for this reason. I am retreating because I want to preserve the fragile me within. I want a shield from the harsh winds of life.
I am retreating from the broken promises and betrayals of friends
I am retreating from the lies of 21st century guys
I am retreating from the preying eyes of 'figure 8 assessors' --so my waistline has *cough* gone from a 24 to a 26...sue me! :P

But then I watched this yesterday http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?ref=mb#/video/video.php?v=84870139415&ref=share and realised it is okay to have imperfections.
For our imperfections make us unique.
Our imperfections make us individuals
Our imperfections make us perfect.

Hello.
I am Princess...and I am imperfect :)

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

More Than What I Wanted

2009-07-09T22:08:00.002-04:00

I never cease to amaze myself. No, let me rephrase that. Human beings never cease to amaze me. I haven't posted on blogger in the longest time, or even checked up on the blog family as often as I usually would because I have been going through a phase. A phase where I feel very confined, chained, imprisoned, on the verge of anger, anger at everyone and everything w/o any just cause.

The past couple of months I've been "high off the Holy Spirit"
Excited about night vigils and Sunday services and such as no 'sane' 18 year old college student usually is. But all of a sudden the devil decided to vent his anger and stop my joy. And sadly, he has prevailed, a lot more than I'd care to admit.
I have been anti-social...well to most of my Christian friends.
I have been uninterested in any of the vigils, fellowship and such.
I have gone to Church w a thirst because after tasting and seeing that the Lord is good, it is hard to fully go back but after Church I'm ready to just go to my room and do my own thing.
I have desired that guy who has been flirting w me, that 'secular' song I already deleted from my ipod, that romance novel I stashed away ages ago and had two dreams w an ex in two.

And as expected, I feel lost. Nothing makes me happy. Friends do, but inside, deep where it matters, there's a battle. The angels and the Holy Spirit trying to remind me of my first love, the devil telling me my life is a bore and the World is where it's at!

So, I'm not here to say I have fully overcome, for this race is an everyday battle.
I am not about to end in some testimony.
I know what I should do, I just feel a bit of the bad girl streak itching to be known and seen again
I am here to ask for your prayers...that I will never forget my first love

If you deny me before men, I will deny you before my Father in heaven Matthew 10:33

As I wrote this, I listened to Cece Winan's More Than What I Wanted.
He is more than what we've wanted, everything we never had. That's what she sings right? So why do we insist on frustrating Him at every turn?

"You brought the light, now the darkness is gone
The search is over now I know You are the one.
Somebody tell me where does an angel come from"

While you're at it, someone remind me that He IS the one

xxx's and Jesus loves you

London Bridge is Falling Down

2009-06-17T09:17:00.004-04:00

Hellooooo everyone! As you can tell, especially from my very silly (and childhood memories invoking status), I am uberrr excited! Off to Europe in a bit, will be w the besties soon!!!! Yayyyyy! I have a God who answers prayers! (even though errr if my Mum had her way, the only travelling I will be doing is to work and back!)
As an added bonus, I FINALLY found a job! This recession is serious oh, it took forever finding one! I was about to gag if I had to fill another application form. Anyhoo, it's at the mall, but no BCBG-like store for those of you who were hoping to get discounts off of me. Work starts at the end of the month, and I can get my first ever pay check! *To be very honest, I'm not too keen on the 'Miss-Independent' look, especially if Daddy is ready and willing to subsidize...but seeing as he is no longer as willing...*sigh*

On another note, the most amazing thing happened to me a few nights ago. I was at home w my sister and some friends and we were all praying in different rooms. I was in the living room listening to some Gospel music then I just started worshipping. As I worshipped and magnified the name of the Lord more and more and began to pray in the Spirit my body began to itch and I felt like my whole area was on fire! Like really. It wasn't bad heat, lol. Try exciting! Especially as I KNEW it was only because the Holy Spirit was there.
Soooo...try it! Just worship. God inhabits the praise of His people and He created us to worship Him. If you decide not to, fine. Don't vex when He raises up stones in your place...not my words...HIS! :)
In a song I love called Bow Down, he says
-- The Bible declares that we are to worship Him in the beauty of holiness...I want you to focus on Jesus now, for He alone is worthy to be worshipped and worthy to be praised. The Bible records in Matthew 2: 11 When the wise men came in to the place where baby Jesus was, it says when they saw Him they fell down and worshipped Him. They bowed down and worshipped Him and the scripture says and then, their treasures were opened and they presented unto Him gifts and therein is a glorious revelation of the Spirit and it is this. when you and I will humble ourselves and begin to worship, the treasure that is within this earthen vessel begins to open up and the gifts of the spirit of God that are within us begin to flow. --

Okay the excerpt was kind of long, but I hope you got the message. Have a blessed day and rest of the week!

xxx's and Jesus loves youuuu!

When I am weak...He makes me strong

2009-06-05T14:23:00.004-04:00

BEFORE
Thought it'd be easier.
Thought it'd be a joke.
Thought it'd be nothing more than a reconnection.
Knew there was a resemblance.
Didn't think it would be that much.
Hoped you were a spitting image.
Didn't know it would be that obvious.
Unconsciously the tears fall.
Tears for something lost.
Tears for words unspoken.
Tears for things I did.
Tears for things I never said.
Tears for time wasted.
Tears for what you would have become.

AFTER
I wrote the part above right after. I thought it'd be caring and 'nice' to find out how my friend's mum was doing. He passed away 3 and a half years ago and I had not checked up on her in a while. Then I realized his little brother who is 2 years younger than him is on facebook and I was mega excited when he accepted my friend request. We chatted a bit and I was surprised he remembered me because I think the only time he actually saw me was at his brother's funeral. He called me a couple of hours later, regardless of the fact that he is only a 12th grader and seeing as he's in Nigeria and I'm in the states, MTN/GLO credit isn't the easiest thing to come by. ANYHOW, we talked about anything and everything.
I was moved to tears and filled w joy when he changed his facebook status: "...very happy because someone or rather something has made him really smile for the first time in approximately 4 years..."
No, I have not felt that achieved in a while. If only he knew that he was the one that encouraged me. Yes, he's a spitting image of his brother, my then boyfriend, but he was able to look past his pain and open up his heart to be touched. I think nothing moved me more than when he said xxx was really really lucky to have had you.

I think this is what made my weekend more or less topsy-turvy. I started remembering all over again. You know the whole 'what-if' stage? Yaa, that period. Kind of like completing sentences that authors only left at commas. In Church on Sunday I was clearly burdened. I cried out to the Holy Spirit to heal me, I cried out to be filled. When you have a hole you can only cover it up, but until you fill and stitch it, it will always be just that, a hole. Thank God he sent one of my friends from Church, my sister's ex-boyfriend who is now w us in our spread of the Gospel. He talked to me and encouraged me so much.
You know sometimes things happen and we question God. As if He did not know what He was doing when He allowed to devil to wreck his 'havoc'.
Something he said stuck w me the most. I remember before the plane crash that killed my friends, said friend went for confession on Thursday, he died on Saturday. I remember because I wanted to talk to him and he was talking to God, lol. I can not claim to know his life and what his heart was, but I feel that if he had stayed on on earth, the things of this World may have caused him to fall by the way side. Because he's one of those guys that would have been London's hottest. Okay maybe I'm pushing it a bit. But you get the point. Those guys who are *cool* and all over the social scene? Yaa, those ones.
And then I realised that sorrow is not of God, so every time the devil gets me sad, he is pleased (actually try over joyed!) because he can say w all boldness that he has stolen my joy. And like Cece Winan's said, we're supposed to be taking territories right? Sooo, after reading a couple of Bible verses, I came out of that phase and was able to appreciate the little things in life, like simply being able to breathe! Whenever you are weak, think about this:

2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10b
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me....For when I am weak, then I am strong!

Sometimes we just need to put a smile on our faces. If you can't smile for yourself, smile for your neighbor, you don't know whose life it is changing

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

not.the.girl.next.door

2009-06-04T01:00:00.003-04:00

I am the daughter that everyone mentions should lose weight more often than not. Even when by most standards I am slim as opposed to fat, I am not as skinny as my model-like sisters so I always stand out.
Most comments hurt, but I am more beautiful and talented than most so I bury the words deep down...but if you asked me I could repeat every single sentence.

I am the one who has never worked yet I love to travel. Not necessarily because I want to see the whole World, but I love holidays w my friends. Don't blame me, my high school was a second family. To everyone I seem like the demanding child. I am not. I just do not want to lose every memory we have made and make it be just that, a memory.

I am the daughter whose first year as a freshman was not too good. Yet I am still the A star student. The one who got into one of Nigeria's best high schools, the one with a college scholarship. But how easily people forget, and how quick they are to judge sans first trying on my shoes.

I am the girl who guys love to crush on and love to hate all the same time. It is not my fault I am picky. Maybe I have read too many books, maybe I have watched too many 'happily-ever-afters'. Either way, I shall not settle. There's no such thing as Mr Perfect, so I'll wait for Mr-almost-there. In the meantime, forgive me if I turn you down. It's not you, it's me

I am the servant tempted to hide my talent. I am the once beautiful writer who does not have much to build on these days. Blame all the work I have to do and the fact that I am tired by the end of everyday, or more like exhausted.

In the midst of all these, nothing is too terrible to face. Nothing but the weight comparisons. Don't burst a balloon just because you are done living your childhood, and if you are not giving constructive criticism...save it!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Je is back!

2009-05-20T23:21:00.003-04:00

I know I have been away for over 2 weeks. Ce n'est pas totally ma faute...honest!
I have been very busy the past 2 weeks. What w finals, the arrival of my family and subsequent full time job that is my baby brother, and various graduations.
Sooooo...what I am trying to say in essence...to Lolia and any other blogger that had decided to kick me out is...I am backkkk!
And shall put up an actual post soon-ish.
I've missed reading you guys' blogs and hope everyone has been healthy and blessed!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Dear Diary

2009-05-04T22:18:00.005-04:00

Dear Diary,

Today I looked in the mirror and I felt beautiful.

Yesterday I looked in the mirror and I felt average.

The week before I looked in the mirror and I felt fat.

Eyes, make up your mind.

Dear Diary,

Today I read my friend's email about her new boyfriend yet I felt content.

Yesterday I endured through a couple making out behind me in the library and I felt lonely.

The week before I finally got the attention of this guy I think is cute but I could not care less, I was high on Jesus.

Emotions, make up your mind.

Dear Diary,

A month ago I tried to delete some of my secular music...I only went as far as the rap/pretty boy artists who I never really liked either way and/or only talked about getting some.

All week I've been soaking in my Gospel music and getting rid of those songs that did not uplift my soul, and I'd never felt better.

Today I was bored and needed some new music...and I went back to some of the old Beyonce.

Ears, make up your mind.

Dear Diary,

In January I finally found a group of friends to hang out w in school and I felt accepted.

Over the weekend I couldn't make it to one of their birthday dinners and I felt ostracized

Today I got an 'I love you' text from one of them and every past feeling faded away.

Heart, make up your mind.

Dear Diary,

A week ago I told friend A what the Holy Spirit had begun in my life, she was pleasantly shocked.

A few days later I told friend B...she did not believe...I felt like a little girl who had just been told the tooth fairy did not exist...crushed.

A few hours later, the Spirit and I won back a soul for Christ...and I talked to another friend who is going through the same changes as I am...I felt ecstatic!

Holy Spirit, stay stay STAY! :)

Dear Diary,

Last semester I failed two classes BUT I had an 'excuse' for the 'rents...they did not send me back to a school in Nigeria *phew*

This semester I have secured 2 As...reason to be grateful

But today I turned in a paper that I dontwannatalkabout...and I have a final tomorrow I'm hardly ready for.

So brain, enthusiasm and determination, WAKE UP!

xxx's and Jesus loves you

A month ago

Dear Lord...

2009-05-03T00:15:00.003-04:00

Dear God,

I really need you. You know how You said we should come out from the World and be separate? Well I feel like the relationship w my friends is not the same. And it's not all of them...but some...the ones in my immediate environment. I feel ostracized because I am no longer interested in the things I was interested in before. And I was going to call/skype someone to complain...but you know how it felt when your friends slept on you in Gethsemane...so I'm calling on You to grant me peace and see me through, cuz you know what it feels like.

Thank you, I love you.

-->Princess

Wilderness

2009-05-02T12:54:00.005-04:00

Princess solemnly apologises for being AWOL! *shy face* Ce n'est pas ma faute...HONESTLY!

First off, The Holy Spirit has been doing wonders in my life that I cannot even explain! Ohmidaiz! How did I survive w/o Him in the past?! I have never been happier and more at peace than I am now. Jesus is truly a God that answereth by fire and I will serve Him ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE!

This morning I read 2 Corinthians 6:17 and it says "Therefore come out of them and be separate". says the Lord

So in the month of May, my resolution is to stand out. By their fruits you shall know them. I do not want to only claim to be for Christ. I want you to know by the way I talk, by the way I walk, by my swagger you shall know that I am a Jesus freak! Haha! *There's really a song called Jesus freak, it's awesome!*

ANYWAY, I have been incognito because not only are finals upon me -don't you just hate school sometimes?- But I have been trying to grow as a Christian. Yesterday I learnt that we will be thrown into the wilderness. If you are feeling like you are being tempted now and life is throwing darts at you, it is because, like Jesus, you have believed and received the Spirit, now it is time to be thrown into the wilderness. What sets you apart is what you do in the wilderness. Like the Israelites when they left Egypt, the enemy will follow you into the wilderness, hoping you'll turn back. The minute you turn back he will tempt you into his trap once again but if you trudge on, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14

And as the enemy follows you into the wilderness, you set him up for his destruction!

--> Good luck w finals...or work as the case may be!

--> Have a blessed new month!

--> Stand for what you believe!

--> And my baby brother is coming to visit soon :)

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

I remember

2009-04-24T07:17:00.003-04:00

I used to call myself a procrastinator...but I don't say that anymore because even though I still wait before I do certain things, there is power in the tongue.

I have a quiz in four hours and I really am not ready. Do you know what I'm doing instead? Feeling bad for myself. And heaven helps those who help themselves right?

I decided to listen to a bit of Christian music and the first thing I chose was Cece Winan's Comforter http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcfBMdLbkNM

I think sometimes I just like to make myself sad. I really want to be a child again (but that's a post for another day) because isn't it true that as you grow older, whenever something sad happens you find yourself remembering every other sad thing that has happened over the course of your life?

Well I immediately went to my pictures and started staring at a picture of one of my friends who died in a plane crash over 3 years ago. But she's smiling in the picture so it did not feel right feeling sad. So I whipped out an old picture of a good friend and eventually boyfriend who was also on that crash and yup...you guessed it, that was when the tears started falling.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm still sad in terms of 'Why did they have to go?'

I just want to hear their voices one more time. Like Diddy said in Best Friend, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rmc1pnA9i-g 'I'd give anything to hear half your breath'

As I looked at the picture I remembered how soft his hands were, and my friends always told me I had baby hands so it was a pleasant shock knowing that his were only a little bit worse :)

I remembered how he used to write me short notes and poems and slip them into my locker during study hall *cheesy, I know*

I remember how I let him kiss me on my 15th birthday...it took him a full minute to get over the shock that I actually said yes, hahah!

If you know me in real life, please don't worry too much for I am not sad

I only remember...sometimes all we want is as hug...or a smile...or someone to hold you so you can cry it all out *God knows I thought I had exhausted all my tears*...or someone to slap you so you snap out of it *it's been over 3 years dammit!*...or a teddy...or a blanket...or a cup of hot chocolate and a good movie...sometimes all we need is love.

xxx's and Jesus loves you

Stand Up...xo

2009-04-16T20:59:00.003-04:00

Psalm 139:16

...your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

It shocks me how we twist things that seem so obvious.

It especially shocks me coming from 'Christians'.

I use that word loosely because these days it is hard to tell the difference.

But that is a post for another day.

Today, this is about abortion.

Would you stand for it...if it's been over a month since you last saw red, yet it was 'just that one time'?

Would you stand for it...if you were raped?

Would you stand for it...if you were told there was a high probability your unborn child would have some defect or the other? Probability being the operative word...

Oh Father, please let me never be found wanting. Let me, like Job, praise your name, come rain or Sunshine.

I have always said that I would never support abortion.

Psalm 139:16 invalidates all the arguments of pro-choice'ers'. If the God who made heaven and Earth knows my life, even before I am born, who are you, oh human, to cut it short?

For the critics amongst you who say there is no God, let's look at this from a human point of view. Leave the creator out of this (pardon me Baba, just a second).

I would think there were enough stories on depression AFTER having the abortion. Try talking to someone who has gone through that ordeal. What makes you think you are different and immune to the feelings of guilt?

Or you are a strong believer of experience is the best teacher?

But there are so many other options. There are so many people, single and married who want a child of their own, and there are services to link you up with them? Why not give them a chance?

There are orphanages, who will actually take care of the child?

Your mother may be willing to take care of the child...if she stones you, don't blame me. I said 'may'

Why take the 'safer' route and kill? No point sugar-coating it, for that is what it is. Snuff, extinguish, all-join.

I believe that we should not do things for which we cannot face the consequences. If you wouldn't like the outcome, steer far, far away.

For how you make your bed, so shall you lie in it.

Maybe there are 2 sides to this coin? When do you think abortion is 'okay'? Is it at all okay? Or is it one of those 'under NO circumstances' issues? Feel free to give your reason, because I do not understand.

xxx's and Jesus loves you + your unborn child!

My Malties!!

2009-04-14T11:41:00.001-04:00

Sooooo...scrap what I said yesterday about not wanting chocolate, I lied! *shy face*

My *friend* just sent me some after I rioted for him and you couldn't make me any happier than I already am even if you tried! :)

I am not exactly obsessed, but how can anyone NOT love white maltesers? *blank stare*

Save your speech about the number of calories, because I'm not even listening mate!

It's times like this I wonder if I should get back together with him and why I fronted oh so much back in the day, I use that term in the loosest sense because we were never 'officially' together, but we might as well have been, but whatever, a rant for another day, because I know I'll always have a soft spot for him, come rain or sunshine, and it's one of those things I'm done fighting.

But gyea, moral: I am no longer a sad bunny (well, not really, I'm still a tad bit upset) but at least now I have maltesers to see me through the rainy days, literally.

It's April and it's still raining and gloomy and cold! Only in Obodo Oyibo!

That aside, I just deactivated my facebook account, too distracting and I have too much work to get done. I'm also trying to discover myself. By that, I mean handle my problems on my own first before I offload on my friends, and the last thing I need is amebo enhancer numero uno aka Facebook.

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Ps --> This isn't me trying to convince you to try these malties because The World + Maltesers sans you = more for me! *grin*

2009-04-13T22:15:00.001-04:00

You know one of those days when everything seems to be going wrong?

Like:

--> I'm failing a class I'm supposed to be passing, like really!

--> My CRACKBERRY has proved to be as abusive as they come. True to its nature, it has deleted ALL my call logs, texts, BBM convos, facebook notifications, ALL!

--> I'm still trying to sort out my Summer plans, the one thing I really want to do might not work out as planned, I HAVEN'T SEEN MY BEST FRIEND SINCE APRIL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

--> Most of my friends are busy; okay that's unfair, they are all going through different things, from being in Nigeria for Easter break w terrible Internet access, to boy issues to Finals, but still...!

--> I find it harder and harder to study everyday

--> I am going through financial woes, honest!

--> I have a cold, I have a cough, when I wake up I can barely breathe and my chest hurts, the weather is okay but I'm still cold, and No, I am not taking medicine, I self-medicate thank you very much.

--> I want a bf :(

Like not particularly for all the physical stuff, but someone to buy me a teddy and a bracelet, that's all I want! I wouldn't know how to take care of flowers, they would just die, and seeing as I haven't kept to my April Resolution, I would not really accept chocolate. But I digress, bottom line, I miss having a bf! It's been a while since my last official one, they've just been random people. And maybe I'm picky, aren't we all?

But Mr Right will soon stop getting prayers from me, because he is taking his damn time! :(

--> Okay, I'm done.

Well not really, but I think I'm just going to listen to music and study for the next hour and hope I can count my blessings instead of being a sad bunny.

Like EASTER + our risen Lord + the joy of Family

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Aldo = Fabulous-ity!

2009-04-10T21:26:00.001-04:00

I am still slightly new to this, but I insist on putting up two more pictures!

I call Him + MY NEW SHOES!

2009-04-10T20:38:00.001-04:00

I call you All that, your name is All that, you have been All that to meeeeeee :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YHnF9J-6Nc&feature=related

For some reason the song isn't complete on youtube, but you get the gist.

Do not be sensitive to all He did for us only during Easter season. Because everyday we turn our backs on His word and commands we spit on Him just as the soldiers did...food for thought!

That aside, I HAVE A NEW PAIR OF SHOESSS! So I have LE best friendssss everrrrr! Care to peep a picture? Well I shall show you regardless as I pat myself on the back and gloat at your jealous expressions! *i kid, i kid*

Oh but I love themmmm, I 'kent' wait for an outing!

Done rambling, here you go!

Thoughful Good Friday, Happy Easter, and Beautiful weekend ahead to all of you!

xxx's, Jesus loves you and Aldo rocks

The Joy of the Lord...is my strength

2009-04-06T00:08:00.001-04:00

Faithful Lord and Father!

That's the song I'm listening to. If someone tells you my God does not answer prayers, DON'T believe! So I had been feeling down the past couple of weeks. Basically just doubting where I stand as a Christian and my work w Christ. There is a difference between Christianity as a facebook religious preference and Chrisitianity as an actual work w my Lord. Anyway, to cut a longgggg story short, now I am happy. I am at peace. I enjoy reading my Bible. No, not as the required devotional for the day, but because I want to remain in God's presence. In His presence, there is fullness of joy, right?

Well yes, my heart is FULL of joy, and it is all Jesus.

No, I am not a nun in training. I am just trying to build on my relationship w Jesus. I want something more personal, so this is me claiming my rights cuz guess what? He said as His child, I have rights! So some things are mine, like the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.

He said ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be opened unto you. So this is me being happy. Not because of money. Not because of grades. Not because of a boyfriend.

But because my redeemer lives, and He lives in my heart.

I have Jesus.

I am willing to share Him.

Do you want Him too?

Oui? Non?

xxx's and Jesus loves meeee! :)

Dear Lord...

2009-04-03T02:16:00.000-04:00

Come to me all you who thirst and are heavy laden and I will give you rest

That’s what You promised right? Well here I am, I have been crying out for Your touch, just one touch, for a while now Lord. All I want is to know that my heart is in tune with Yours. You know how You said David was a man after your own heart? Well yea, I just want something like that.
I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong or there’s something in my heart that is like clutter or a packed garage that is keeping you out. But whatever it is, I WANT YOU BACK Baba.
And then I want your Holy Spirit. I want to sing this song and mean it:

People dey ask me say
Wetin dey make me smile
I just dey tell them say
Na Jesus dey make me smile

So I’m going to go for the Gethsemane experience tomorrow.
Will you be there Lord? No, I don’t mean will you be present because it says when 2 or 3 are gathered in your name you are there in their midst. I mean will you be there, as in next to me, inside of me, filling me?
Or should I be patient?

Just so you know, I will never let you go until you bless me, so all this is just…stalling for time? Time wasting? Je ne sais pas. But you know Lord, the plan you have for me, you know.

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

2009-04-01T09:22:00.001-04:00

April 1st!
It's a New Day!
It's a New Month!
There are New blessings...and new resolutions.
So I've stopped believing in new year resolutions so much because the enthusiasm and drive to stick to them usually withers after a few weeks or months.
I woke up this morning at 6.30am (*gasp*...don't ask, I don't know how either) and decided to go to the gym because I felt bad. I was supposed to go the night before but I slept off *shy face*
ANWYAY yesterday I had a conversation with one of my friends about anorexia and the desire we have for weight loss (same old, same old). So I decided to get on the scale because, in her own words, "need to get numbers/figures down to like help the process". Olodo that I am, I assumed the scale was for everyone so I stepped on it this morning, 'to get numbers down'.
I can swear I almost woke my roommate up w the sharp intake of breath!
Ohmigosh! *in total Paris-Hilton-speak*
I would swear if I did but since I don't I can only scream yepa!
Yes, the journey to lose weight has begun (again). I shall go to the gym at least 5 times a week...SO HELP ME GOD!
Please remove your judgmental eyes, this is not a far fetched goal as I already exercise at least twice a week (in cardio class) and roughly twice on my own in the gym.
No, this isn't because I want to be model skinny, I am far from being fat. I just want the old days back! It's not wrong to want to be a fittie, non?

xxx's~Happy Gyming~and Jesus loves you!

2009-03-31T12:18:00.000-04:00

I am a blogger!
I am a blogger!
*does the happy dance*
Okay, now that's over, back to attempting to be sane!
I HAVE MISSED WRITING!
But sometimes when I read other peoples' stuff, I just think "Maybe I'm not that good".
Frankly, I don't care about that anymore! I will write regardless of how good I am because it is not about keeping up public appearances, it is about doing what makes you happy. If I entertain along the way, so be it!
The key is to dream, then take it from there, no be so?
On that note, this was just to say hello, nno, kedu, wassup, bonjour and welcome to my pensieve!
I am not an editor, or a newspaper columnist, I am simply someone who writes for release and escape, so welcome to my public diary!!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!