Judge Judy

Last night forward slash this morning I stayed up later than I usually do because I had to study for my french Final.
It was while I was reviewing all I had to that I stumbled on this song 'Healer'
It's so funny the way the Holy Spirit works. Nothing about Him is random. After listening to this song, I googled the man in question, Michael Guglielmucci. Apparently, he had deceived his congregation, family and millions around the World that he had cancer. He did this for two years when in fact no doctor had ever diagnosed him as being a cancer patient. When the news broke everyone was shocked. Yes, people had made donations to his cause but that was not the point, it did not seem like he was after the money plus his family had promised to return the money and all that good stuff.
It was more so, why would someone deceive everyone that cares about them so much? Why would you want to put your family and loved ones through all this pain? Some say he wanted fame, and this brought him more attention than anything else. Others, and Michael himself stated that he used the cancer as a cover up, some sort of diversion. Truth is Michael was addicted to pornography, he had been for some years now so when he told everyone he had cancer it shifted their attention from this young man, this human being who was battling with addiction to pornography to this strong pastor whose eyes were set on the Lord despite the doctor's diagnosis.
He released this song and it moved THOUSANDS, literally.
After I watched that video I forwarded the song to one of my friends and when I woke up this morning the first thing I saw was an email from her.
She mentioned how she only found the song/video the day before because she was praying for her friend who was not feeling too well. But then she said after she read all the stories about him she got upset at his deceit and all that. It was not until I sent her the video that she realized God wanted her to see it.
Maybe see it for more than what it was?
Matthew 7:1 says "Do not judge so that you too will not be judged"

That is a Bible verse I try to live by.
But then I watched this video of my angels
4 years ago yesterday, on December 10th 2005, 60 of our friends, classmates, table members, boyfriends, girlfriends, sisters and brothers from High School were involved in a plane crash, along with many other people. At least 10 of them were my really good friends.
I tried to stay off facebook yesterday because most of my friends' statuses were dedicated to them but it is not just that I was sad because truth be told, I wasn't.
It was more so, 4 years later, what does Nigeria have to show for what we went through?
And then I watched this video and remembered the promises we made as students after the plane crash. All the pledges we made and one caught my eye:
We shall pray for Nigeria.
All I do is yap my country, well more often than not. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE NIGERIA, but there are times when I just get burdened and angry. Like I ask why this, why that.
How is it that in the 21st century we do not have constant light or water or enough good schools? Why are lecturers going on strike? Why can't they get paid?
Oh wow the list is long. But most importantly why did my friends die. This could have been avoided, right?
And that's where it starts. I judge everyone that might have played a part, from the top all the way to the bottom.

4 years later I am such a stronger person for all this. I am not angry at the World anymore but one thing I am is grateful. Through all this God taught me to '...lean not on my own understanding but in all my ways acknowledge Him'. [Proverbs 3:5-6]
He taught me that if at first I do not succeed I can pick myself up and try again.
He taught me that what does not break me will only make me stronger.
And He taught me that He heals.
He taught me that He makes all things work together for good for those who love Him.

It is because of that last bit that I refused to judge Michael Guglielmucci. Not because we all make mistakes, but because of the awesome way God brought glory to His name DESPITE the devil's plans.
Remember, if you don't want to praise Him He will raise up the stones to praise Him.

When we pray, we tap into miraculous things.

RIP my boos. I stay missing you! Xxx

Random Tantrum

So it's 9pm on a Friday night. What am I doing? Well I just had my first meal of the day *3 hearty cheers for Chipotle - Woot! Woot! Woot*
I am supposed to be writing a paper but I am a bit restless so I figured I would blog instead. First off, happy new month loves! Make the best of Decemberrr, our last few days in 2009! :)
Feel free to make a difference wherever you can before the year runs out -
Smile at a homeless person
Drop a dollar, a pound or 100 Naira here and there
Or even go as far as giving one of them your breakfast and watch the way their eyes light up!
Make up with that friend you've been beefing all year or semester round.
Call your mum and dad and apologize for that thing you did that you know was wrong.
Text that girl you hurt, tell her you're sorry, and actually mean it. Then give her her space so she can heal instead of getting hung up on you and pining for 'another shot at the r/ship'.
Tell that guy you're tired of seeing him instead of cheating - nothing good ever came out of cheating.

Okay, this post is taking a turn I did not intend for it to take! Lol
I initially meant to complain about my crush
The first crush I ever had was on Michael Jackson. I was somewhere between 7 and 9. Yaaa...we all know how far that got me.
But this one is different. I am much older so I know what I am looking for in a guy - either that or I really just want to know what it feels like to fall in love, like so deep in love plus it has been a while since my last serious relationship. That does not the change the fact that like MJ, this guy is VERY much out of my league *major sad face*
Like I actually just want to move back to Nigeria at this point just so hopefully I would bump into him somewhere, anywhere! [Let a girl dream, okay?]
I am praying God takes away this urge. Okay, that's not completely true. At the back of my mind I am hoping he is the one God chose for me to marry before timeee, that way eventually destiny will pull us together - ewww that sounded so cheesy. Yuck Princess!

Fast forward to reality. I spoke to my mummy, little sister and baby brother last night. I miss them! My brother is really growing up oh and he does the silliest things these days. Countdown till I see them is in full effect.

I wish I was going home for Christmas though. There is no place like Nigeria for Christmas break. Plus I have never spent a Christmas/New year away from the village, yup, we're gangsta like that! Hehe. Does not help that it is supposed to snow this weekend. There go my plans to go get my hair done. I am probably just going to stay in my apartment all day which sucks because I have no groceries so here's a toast to a day of Indomie and water. Bliss.

Okay, I am complaining too much, but I am just in one of those moods. Plus I want to go out dancing. Which is conflicting since I thought it was one of those things I had completely given up on top of this I want to go to London. I miss my best friends!!!
All these make for a not-so-happy Princess :(

Despite my mood, I pray you have a blessed weekend. Don't be like me and forget, for even a second, that God is on the throne. I am just throwing a tantrum but hopefully someone who sees this will remember that no matter where you are, where you're coming from or where you're going to, Jesus is always and forever there and He specializes in meeting us at our points of need and carrying the burden. So do you and let Him do His part :) xxx

Through God's Eyes

*Stolen and tweaked a little bit*

My dear child,
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to the Christian, says, "No, not until you are satisfied and content with living, loved only by me alone to have an intensely personal and unique relationship. I love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will NEVER be united with another until you are united with Me - exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning , stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. Keep watching Me, expecting the GREATEST things. Keep that attitude knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait, don't be anxious and worry. Don't look around at what others have gotten or who I have given them. Don't look at the things or relationships you think you want. Just keep looking up to Me, or you will miss what I have to show you.

When you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you will ever dream. You see, until the one I have for you is ready, (I am working this minute to have you both ready at the same time) and until you are both satisfied with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me -PERFECT LOVE. And my dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and enjoy materially and sincerely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you -Myself.

I love you utterly,

Your heavenly Father.

Handling Doses of Love

I remember back in Secondary School, it was always sooo annoying hearing guys say "I like 2 girls" or "I have a crush on 2 girls". I always thought, wth are you on about? It is not possible to like more than one person dammit!
Years later, I think I understand what they mean.
For the past month I've been gushing about this guy who is more or less a Nigerian celebrity. I'm at that point in my life where I am ready to settle down in a serious relationship. Maybe not tomorrow, but I just know that I'm past having flings and all that. On that note, I'm not trying to say I would marry this guy *even though Lord knows I wouldn't say no!!* lol. But I just want to meet him. I follow him on twitter and he seems to have a wonderful sense of humor. I need someone to keep me laughing even when life brings some lows. But it goes beyond that. He's smart. Seeing the way he has marketed himself and all that, plus the kind of 'tweet-versations' he's engaged in -is that even a word??!-
I find myself googling a bunch of stuff after reading his tweets, just because no knowledge is ever wasted. Doesn't hurt that he's foine! No harm in wanting a face you can look at when you're old and in a rocking chair! Anyway, this post isn't about him. I've bugged him so much on twitter I fear he's tempted to block me.
This is beyond that though. It's more in line with the times I feel the need to 'gush' about him. Most times he does not even cross my mind until I get online. And sometimes I'm just like, this dude has too many chics who'd give up an arm and a leg for him. it's bad enough that guys get tempted but I'm not trying to bag a lad that I can't even enjoy for myself with every lady and their grandma vying for his attention as well.
It's at times like this that I turn to this other guy...who by the way I haven't met either #dontjudgeme
His brother is one of my friends and we have a bunch of mutual friends but I have never actually met him. A few days ago I was telling my friend that I never thought I'd see the day when I'd crush on 2 guys...but here I am, day dreaming of being with BOTH of them!
Yesterday in Church during worship we sang this song I specifically love this part:

I have a Father, He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

It got me thinking about how easily we take God for granted. Sometimes we say, oh I need a bf or a gf but do you ever step back and think about WHY you 'want' this person in your life? Because believe me, it's not a need. Usually we just want this person to validate us. Someone to say "you're beautiful" or someone to call you for 3 hours everyday and someone to tell you you are loved. What's the guarantee that this will make you feel better about yourself? At most, you'll be on cloud 9 for a couple of minutes or an hour or so, but after that, life goes on. Why is it so easy to want validity in human beings who betray our trust than God who says He is faithful, even when we are faithless?
I thought about the words to that song and I thought, wow! God does call me His own. Even when I have mood swings, He'll never leave me. Even when I try to keep my thoughts to myself, and when I cry in the comfort of my room/apartment or the silence of my heart, He sees and He is ready to comfort me and ease my pain.
So let's try handling the love God constantly throws at us before we yearn for the love of a guy or girl. God's love is stable and when it throws surprises at you, they are always good ones. You're never going to sit up thinking why doesn't He love me anymore? Or why isn't He calling me, because God doesn't do any of that! When you fully understand God's love and you get your daily dose, trust me you'll be better able to understand and handle the love of man!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Random Thoughts + 19th Birthday!

I was talking to one of my best friends today about this guy my friends "claim" likes me. I say claim because he has not told me yet, he only told people that he knew would tell me and I am past the stage of believing 'dem-say, dem-say story'. But besides that, I think he just likes the IDEA of liking me. Like he wouldn't mind having something with me because of the possible benefits...
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is, my friend said I should not get into anything serious until I actually see qualities in him that I like, besides his dimples [I AM A SUCKER FOR DIMPLES -- it is actually pretty bad!]

This got me thinking a little bit. For most of Summer break and particularly this semester, I have kind of retreated. I almost never talk on the phone except it is to my family members, my friend that goes to school with me or my friend in New York; I chat on skype but only with specific people, and I don't BBM as often as before.

What am I doing with all this time? SLEEPING! Lol, okay jk. I am using this time to figure out who I am. Most of the time I am just reading and not necessarily my school books, but articles, essays and things like that or I am listening to a Gospel song and humming along. But majority of the time I am thinking. I think a lot, sometimes a bit too much and this can be a bad thing because when I get into one of those moods I think about everything and anything. The highs and the lows in my life.
I turned 19 on Wednesday and from here on, I am trying to map out what to do with my life. Trying to figure out who I am and figure out which friends pull me up and which ones bring me down. Trying to figure out which guys are worth 2 hours of phone battery power after midnight and which ones really just want to get 'some'.
This is all a work in progress because sometimes I think I have things all figured out then something suddenly happens and slaps me in the face.

This semester I have focused on calling my little sister and brother back in Nigeria more often, and on spending more time on the phone with my mother.
I have focused on cooking for my brother more often and going home solely to clean up the kitchen that I know, in true bachelor lifestyle, he has left a mess.
I have focused more on spending less and less time 'chasing friends'. Those that want me will find me.
I have focused more on just sitting and watching. Doesn't mean I do not have an opinion, but I really don't have the energy to get into an argument with anyone. You do you and watch me do me.
I have focused on telling the Trinity about my love...even though I don't always show it! *Lurve you audience of One :D*

I know this blog post is a tad bit disjointed, but somethings happened today, infact a bunch of stuff have happened since my 19th birthday last Wednesday and I was about to get into one of those thinking modes.
Instead of letting that come on me and subsequently spending an hour or two in self-pity, I decided to write.

I hope the first 10 months of your year have been as fruitful as you'd hoped. If not, the year is not over yet!
I also hope that everyday, every week you get closer to figuring out what you want from life and what you want from other people, but you cannot know this without knowing who you are.
So take some time to examine yourself. Your strengths and weaknesses; the areas that need tweaking and the parts you need to brush up on for the rest of the World to see...
Tell Jesus where you want to go and what you want to be -- then step out of your comfort zone, let go, flap your wings a little bit, and watch Him be the wind behind your wings!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Living, Laughing, Loving

So I'm not even going to get into a whole apology, because I will probably disappear again.
Sophomore year is very much underway and aLot has happened.

-- We started a Bible study on my campus. It's been rough, VERY rough but God is faithful and He will never abandon His business. Some days I want to throw in the towel but I am growing and learning everyday :)

-- 1st batch of midterms and all are over. I'm doing much better this semester. Don't want to say much about that before I jinx everything else, lol

-- The fam should be in town for Christmas. YAY! Been contacting agents and such but I am sooo excited! This is the longest I have gone without seeing my younger sisters. And the thought of a white Christmas just got a whole lot better knowing my favorite people will be around!

-- I have a semi crush on this guy. I haven't had a crush in a while actually. But no, it's nothing serious...especially as he is already taken..Yarr!

-- I tweet!! *hangs head in shame* Yes, I was THE greatest twitter basher and I fought it so hard. Even in the beginning after I joined I was ready to leave but I stuck around a little bit and now I actually like it! I'm not yet an addict sha, but with the help of UberTwitter Imma be there sooner than you know it. *sighh

-- In a week I am officially the birthday girl! Don't you love new beginnings? And cards? And presents? And just love in general from everyone? Well I do! If nothing else for the Ice cream, and Chocolate cakes I'm ordering! Oops! Can't forget Red Velvet cupcakes! Cool your temper sha, they're not all for me. I'm having a mini 'ges-togerra' so that should be fun. Maybe dinner and a night of karaoke over the weekend...now if only I can find good karaoke places in the city, that would be grand!

-- I finally got my uggs. I'm sorry...but I'm still excited. Especially as this is the most money I've ever spent on myself. Please why are they so expensive? As in yahh they're comfy and all but still...Anyway! Love them!

-- A bunch of my friends just started Uni. Thank God for the end of the A-levels era...and they're loving it! So I'm grateful for that!

-- I'm trying to be a better worshipper...after all we were created to worship, n'est pas? I'm also trying to learn a lot on love. And also trying to actually implement it! BUT I am trying to devote less time to my friends. Not in a mean way, but I have a lot of self discovery to do. So less time on my phone, blogger (lol), BBM (that evil thing!), facebook (next generation Hi5) and you get the point sha. I need to figure myself out before I can solve the problems of the rest of the World! Plus sometimes being friend of the masses gets tiring. I know where I want to be at 26...and I won't get there by wasting my time! *like I've been doing in the library for the past 2 hours...pretending to study :(*

-- I've accepted that nothing good ever comes out of judging others. CB put this video up and it made me Aaaww...HARD! iMean, at the end of the day, he is a human being. He is good at what he does...and Jesus loves him the same way he loves me. So shout out to all the #ChrisBrownStans! hehe!

-- I've realised that believing in people can sometimes cause a bit too much heartache than is necessary. I am a work in progress. As a result, I am still learning this, "Don't let someone else's fear or sadness or death or departure become yours." 'The Earth is for the Living' - Thomas Jefferson
I let people get to me too much. Then I hold it in. I don't tell them (most times they are no longer around for me to tell...or I am afraid to risk whatever the outcome may be by telling them, so I hold it all in. But I'm going to start by telling God, over and over again until the Holy Spirit tells me what to do. Baby steps y'all, baby steps! :D

Okay, 9.30am class tomorrow! Ugh! Lemme stop fooling myself, time to leave the library.
Hope you've all been alive and well?

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Expectations

Expectation - The act of Expecting; With Eager Anticipation...eyes shining and all

At my friend's bridal shower in July when the Mothers/married women gave their 2 cents and words of advice one thing stuck w me and that is the negative effect of taking so many expectations into your marriage, relationship, anything. I'll speak for myself when I say that I already have an image of my wedding, my husband and my marriage. Oh I can't see all the ups and downs, who wants to picture the negative aspects? But I know how I want my husband to be. I want him to bring me roses on Wednesdays, I want to wear his Tshirt after our wedding night, I want him to show me off to his friends, I want him to captivate me with his eyes as I walk down the aisle to this *okay you get the point*

The problem with these images forward slash pictures is if/when these do not happen I will be disappointed and possibly a tad bit annoyed. I have formed these images in my mind without taking into consideration that this guy is not in my mind so he does not know how I'd like things to be done. Oh he might have an idea of what I want and the things that make me smile, but he won't do things just as I'd imagined.

Same thing applies to boyfriends. I usually tell my friends not to get too upset because of what he did or did not do. Especially if he has a 'jerk' history *cue this -- I jest!* Or if he is just runzing/chiking you. Don't expect him to call you everyday, or say the things you want to hear. It's kind of like when you are already down, the only place to go is up. So when you have no expectations of someone whose actions you cannot control you do not set yourself up for disappointment. On the other hand you are easily surprised and excited at the littlest thing they may do.

Well I got into this rant because the school year just started and I have an apartment on campus with my own room and all which is nice. On the flip side, my flat mates are not as nice as I'd pictured, not even nearly. The most snubbish one got into a fight w her bf yesterday and now they are having a kiss and make-up session. No, I am not against PDA, far from, but when we are not friends and you bring your business to the space that we all share, knowing all the while that it is disturbing me/filtering into my own space, then I have a problem. It's unfortunate because I had always pictured college roommates as your girlies. Shop together, have movie nights and maybe stay up and gossip (I know, I am a dreamer). Yet we are not even acquaintances, we are just strangers living together. C'est la vie

On to better and brighter things. This song has been stuck in my head since Tuesday!! Like I have it on repeat, which means I am going to tire of it soon :(
Once again forgive my long absence. Back to school preparations + the workload from 3 weeks of Sophomore year really got to me. Usually I am so passionate about a topic that I insist on blogging about it, but by the time I get to my laptop something distracts me, or I have already talked it over w someone else, or you get the gist. :)
But I hope you are all having a blessed month and enjoying the last views of Summer Sun before winter visits...boooo to that!

xxx's and Jesus loves you! :D