Juanita Bynum!!!

Have you ever asked God: "Lord, why am I single?" Well, maybe this is your answer.
I love Juanita Bynum's music, but today I have a new found respect for her. If you can spare 10 minutes, please watch the first clip of her No More Sheets preaching and maybe you'll find your answer...!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgXvq3-jAc4&feature=related
So my sister is breathing down my neck because she thinks I am going to make her late for this conference we have this morning. Why doesn't anyone believe I have changed w regards to my timing? Lol.
Have a blessed and well rested weekend!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Imperfections

Last night I decided to go into hiding.
As Lolia put it, "put my solo cape on and fly far, far away"
I decided this for many reasons. One was this video:
http://christianaa.blogspot.com/2009/07/friendship-detox.html
Yes, I thought it'd be 'cool' to see who would seek me out after my fake death

But besides that, I realised that the majority of my closest friends are either in Jand or Canada, not America. And taking into consideration the recession of Twenty-Oh-Nine it means most of my conversations with them are either via skype or facebook or BBM (Wooooo! crackberry hotties)
As a result, any phone vibrations are either from the parents in the motherland or my Yankeegerians. This summer I have been feeling most of my friendships slipping away or getting distant, kind of like a seasonal friend feeling. So instead of fighting for those friendships like the old me would do, I have decided to go into my shell, hurt and heal silently.

--That was Yesterday--

Today during fellowship Nicky Gumbel talked about Adam and Eve after they disobeyed God and ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and how embarrassed they were in the Garden of Eden when they realised they were naked so they decided to hide and cover up their nakedness.
This got me thinking and I realised I am retreating for this reason. I am retreating because I want to preserve the fragile me within. I want a shield from the harsh winds of life.
I am retreating from the broken promises and betrayals of friends
I am retreating from the lies of 21st century guys
I am retreating from the preying eyes of 'figure 8 assessors' --so my waistline has *cough* gone from a 24 to a 26...sue me! :P

But then I watched this yesterday http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?ref=mb#/video/video.php?v=84870139415&ref=share and realised it is okay to have imperfections.
For our imperfections make us unique.
Our imperfections make us individuals
Our imperfections make us perfect.

Hello.
I am Princess...and I am imperfect :)

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

More Than What I Wanted

I never cease to amaze myself. No, let me rephrase that. Human beings never cease to amaze me. I haven't posted on blogger in the longest time, or even checked up on the blog family as often as I usually would because I have been going through a phase. A phase where I feel very confined, chained, imprisoned, on the verge of anger, anger at everyone and everything w/o any just cause.

The past couple of months I've been "high off the Holy Spirit"
Excited about night vigils and Sunday services and such as no 'sane' 18 year old college student usually is. But all of a sudden the devil decided to vent his anger and stop my joy. And sadly, he has prevailed, a lot more than I'd care to admit.
I have been anti-social...well to most of my Christian friends.
I have been uninterested in any of the vigils, fellowship and such.
I have gone to Church w a thirst because after tasting and seeing that the Lord is good, it is hard to fully go back but after Church I'm ready to just go to my room and do my own thing.
I have desired that guy who has been flirting w me, that 'secular' song I already deleted from my ipod, that romance novel I stashed away ages ago and had two dreams w an ex in two.

And as expected, I feel lost. Nothing makes me happy. Friends do, but inside, deep where it matters, there's a battle. The angels and the Holy Spirit trying to remind me of my first love, the devil telling me my life is a bore and the World is where it's at!

So, I'm not here to say I have fully overcome, for this race is an everyday battle.
I am not about to end in some testimony.
I know what I should do, I just feel a bit of the bad girl streak itching to be known and seen again
I am here to ask for your prayers...that I will never forget my first love

If you deny me before men, I will deny you before my Father in heaven Matthew 10:33

As I wrote this, I listened to Cece Winan's More Than What I Wanted.
He is more than what we've wanted, everything we never had. That's what she sings right? So why do we insist on frustrating Him at every turn?

"You brought the light, now the darkness is gone
The search is over now I know You are the one.
Somebody tell me where does an angel come from"

While you're at it, someone remind me that He IS the one

xxx's and Jesus loves you

London Bridge is Falling Down

Hellooooo everyone! As you can tell, especially from my very silly (and childhood memories invoking status), I am uberrr excited! Off to Europe in a bit, will be w the besties soon!!!! Yayyyyy! I have a God who answers prayers! (even though errr if my Mum had her way, the only travelling I will be doing is to work and back!)
As an added bonus, I FINALLY found a job! This recession is serious oh, it took forever finding one! I was about to gag if I had to fill another application form. Anyhoo, it's at the mall, but no BCBG-like store for those of you who were hoping to get discounts off of me. Work starts at the end of the month, and I can get my first ever pay check! *To be very honest, I'm not too keen on the 'Miss-Independent' look, especially if Daddy is ready and willing to subsidize...but seeing as he is no longer as willing...*sigh*

On another note, the most amazing thing happened to me a few nights ago. I was at home w my sister and some friends and we were all praying in different rooms. I was in the living room listening to some Gospel music then I just started worshipping. As I worshipped and magnified the name of the Lord more and more and began to pray in the Spirit my body began to itch and I felt like my whole area was on fire! Like really. It wasn't bad heat, lol. Try exciting! Especially as I KNEW it was only because the Holy Spirit was there.
Soooo...try it! Just worship. God inhabits the praise of His people and He created us to worship Him. If you decide not to, fine. Don't vex when He raises up stones in your place...not my words...HIS! :)
In a song I love called Bow Down, he says
-- The Bible declares that we are to worship Him in the beauty of holiness...I want you to focus on Jesus now, for He alone is worthy to be worshipped and worthy to be praised. The Bible records in Matthew 2: 11 When the wise men came in to the place where baby Jesus was, it says when they saw Him they fell down and worshipped Him. They bowed down and worshipped Him and the scripture says and then, their treasures were opened and they presented unto Him gifts and therein is a glorious revelation of the Spirit and it is this. when you and I will humble ourselves and begin to worship, the treasure that is within this earthen vessel begins to open up and the gifts of the spirit of God that are within us begin to flow. --

Okay the excerpt was kind of long, but I hope you got the message. Have a blessed day and rest of the week!

xxx's and Jesus loves youuuu!

When I am weak...He makes me strong

BEFORE
Thought it'd be easier.
Thought it'd be a joke.
Thought it'd be nothing more than a reconnection.
Knew there was a resemblance.
Didn't think it would be that much.
Hoped you were a spitting image.
Didn't know it would be that obvious.
Unconsciously the tears fall.
Tears for something lost.
Tears for words unspoken.
Tears for things I did.
Tears for things I never said.
Tears for time wasted.
Tears for what you would have become.

AFTER
I wrote the part above right after. I thought it'd be caring and 'nice' to find out how my friend's mum was doing. He passed away 3 and a half years ago and I had not checked up on her in a while. Then I realized his little brother who is 2 years younger than him is on facebook and I was mega excited when he accepted my friend request. We chatted a bit and I was surprised he remembered me because I think the only time he actually saw me was at his brother's funeral. He called me a couple of hours later, regardless of the fact that he is only a 12th grader and seeing as he's in Nigeria and I'm in the states, MTN/GLO credit isn't the easiest thing to come by. ANYHOW, we talked about anything and everything.
I was moved to tears and filled w joy when he changed his facebook status: "...very happy because someone or rather something has made him really smile for the first time in approximately 4 years..."
No, I have not felt that achieved in a while. If only he knew that he was the one that encouraged me. Yes, he's a spitting image of his brother, my then boyfriend, but he was able to look past his pain and open up his heart to be touched. I think nothing moved me more than when he said xxx was really really lucky to have had you.

I think this is what made my weekend more or less topsy-turvy. I started remembering all over again. You know the whole 'what-if' stage? Yaa, that period. Kind of like completing sentences that authors only left at commas. In Church on Sunday I was clearly burdened. I cried out to the Holy Spirit to heal me, I cried out to be filled. When you have a hole you can only cover it up, but until you fill and stitch it, it will always be just that, a hole. Thank God he sent one of my friends from Church, my sister's ex-boyfriend who is now w us in our spread of the Gospel. He talked to me and encouraged me so much.
You know sometimes things happen and we question God. As if He did not know what He was doing when He allowed to devil to wreck his 'havoc'.
Something he said stuck w me the most. I remember before the plane crash that killed my friends, said friend went for confession on Thursday, he died on Saturday. I remember because I wanted to talk to him and he was talking to God, lol. I can not claim to know his life and what his heart was, but I feel that if he had stayed on on earth, the things of this World may have caused him to fall by the way side. Because he's one of those guys that would have been London's hottest. Okay maybe I'm pushing it a bit. But you get the point. Those guys who are *cool* and all over the social scene? Yaa, those ones.
And then I realised that sorrow is not of God, so every time the devil gets me sad, he is pleased (actually try over joyed!) because he can say w all boldness that he has stolen my joy. And like Cece Winan's said, we're supposed to be taking territories right? Sooo, after reading a couple of Bible verses, I came out of that phase and was able to appreciate the little things in life, like simply being able to breathe! Whenever you are weak, think about this:

2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10b
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me....For when I am weak, then I am strong!

Sometimes we just need to put a smile on our faces. If you can't smile for yourself, smile for your neighbor, you don't know whose life it is changing


xxx's and Jesus loves you!

not.the.girl.next.door

I am the daughter that everyone mentions should lose weight more often than not. Even when by most standards I am slim as opposed to fat, I am not as skinny as my model-like sisters so I always stand out.
Most comments hurt, but I am more beautiful and talented than most so I bury the words deep down...but if you asked me I could repeat every single sentence.

I am the one who has never worked yet I love to travel. Not necessarily because I want to see the whole World, but I love holidays w my friends. Don't blame me, my high school was a second family. To everyone I seem like the demanding child. I am not. I just do not want to lose every memory we have made and make it be just that, a memory.

I am the daughter whose first year as a freshman was not too good. Yet I am still the A star student. The one who got into one of Nigeria's best high schools, the one with a college scholarship. But how easily people forget, and how quick they are to judge sans first trying on my shoes.

I am the girl who guys love to crush on and love to hate all the same time. It is not my fault I am picky. Maybe I have read too many books, maybe I have watched too many 'happily-ever-afters'. Either way, I shall not settle. There's no such thing as Mr Perfect, so I'll wait for Mr-almost-there. In the meantime, forgive me if I turn you down. It's not you, it's me

I am the servant tempted to hide my talent. I am the once beautiful writer who does not have much to build on these days. Blame all the work I have to do and the fact that I am tired by the end of everyday, or more like exhausted.

In the midst of all these, nothing is too terrible to face. Nothing but the weight comparisons. Don't burst a balloon just because you are done living your childhood, and if you are not giving constructive criticism...save it!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Je is back!

I know I have been away for over 2 weeks. Ce n'est pas totally ma faute...honest!
I have been very busy the past 2 weeks. What w finals, the arrival of my family and subsequent full time job that is my baby brother, and various graduations.
Sooooo...what I am trying to say in essence...to Lolia and any other blogger that had decided to kick me out is...I am backkkk!
And shall put up an actual post soon-ish.
I've missed reading you guys' blogs and hope everyone has been healthy and blessed!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!