Saturday, July 25, 2009

Juanita Bynum!!!

Have you ever asked God: "Lord, why am I single?" Well, maybe this is your answer.
I love Juanita Bynum's music, but today I have a new found respect for her. If you can spare 10 minutes, please watch the first clip of her No More Sheets preaching and maybe you'll find your answer...!
So my sister is breathing down my neck because she thinks I am going to make her late for this conference we have this morning. Why doesn't anyone believe I have changed w regards to my timing? Lol.
Have a blessed and well rested weekend!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Last night I decided to go into hiding.
As Lolia put it, "put my solo cape on and fly far, far away"
I decided this for many reasons. One was this video:
Yes, I thought it'd be 'cool' to see who would seek me out after my fake death

But besides that, I realised that the majority of my closest friends are either in Jand or Canada, not America. And taking into consideration the recession of Twenty-Oh-Nine it means most of my conversations with them are either via skype or facebook or BBM (Wooooo! crackberry hotties)
As a result, any phone vibrations are either from the parents in the motherland or my Yankeegerians. This summer I have been feeling most of my friendships slipping away or getting distant, kind of like a seasonal friend feeling. So instead of fighting for those friendships like the old me would do, I have decided to go into my shell, hurt and heal silently.

--That was Yesterday--

Today during fellowship Nicky Gumbel talked about Adam and Eve after they disobeyed God and ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and how embarrassed they were in the Garden of Eden when they realised they were naked so they decided to hide and cover up their nakedness.
This got me thinking and I realised I am retreating for this reason. I am retreating because I want to preserve the fragile me within. I want a shield from the harsh winds of life.
I am retreating from the broken promises and betrayals of friends
I am retreating from the lies of 21st century guys
I am retreating from the preying eyes of 'figure 8 assessors' --so my waistline has *cough* gone from a 24 to a 26...sue me! :P

But then I watched this yesterday and realised it is okay to have imperfections.
For our imperfections make us unique.
Our imperfections make us individuals
Our imperfections make us perfect.

I am Princess...and I am imperfect :)

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

More Than What I Wanted

I never cease to amaze myself. No, let me rephrase that. Human beings never cease to amaze me. I haven't posted on blogger in the longest time, or even checked up on the blog family as often as I usually would because I have been going through a phase. A phase where I feel very confined, chained, imprisoned, on the verge of anger, anger at everyone and everything w/o any just cause.

The past couple of months I've been "high off the Holy Spirit"
Excited about night vigils and Sunday services and such as no 'sane' 18 year old college student usually is. But all of a sudden the devil decided to vent his anger and stop my joy. And sadly, he has prevailed, a lot more than I'd care to admit.
I have been anti-social...well to most of my Christian friends.
I have been uninterested in any of the vigils, fellowship and such.
I have gone to Church w a thirst because after tasting and seeing that the Lord is good, it is hard to fully go back but after Church I'm ready to just go to my room and do my own thing.
I have desired that guy who has been flirting w me, that 'secular' song I already deleted from my ipod, that romance novel I stashed away ages ago and had two dreams w an ex in two.

And as expected, I feel lost. Nothing makes me happy. Friends do, but inside, deep where it matters, there's a battle. The angels and the Holy Spirit trying to remind me of my first love, the devil telling me my life is a bore and the World is where it's at!

So, I'm not here to say I have fully overcome, for this race is an everyday battle.
I am not about to end in some testimony.
I know what I should do, I just feel a bit of the bad girl streak itching to be known and seen again
I am here to ask for your prayers...that I will never forget my first love

If you deny me before men, I will deny you before my Father in heaven Matthew 10:33

As I wrote this, I listened to Cece Winan's More Than What I Wanted.
He is more than what we've wanted, everything we never had. That's what she sings right? So why do we insist on frustrating Him at every turn?

"You brought the light, now the darkness is gone
The search is over now I know You are the one.
Somebody tell me where does an angel come from"

While you're at it, someone remind me that He IS the one

xxx's and Jesus loves you