Wednesday, June 17, 2009

London Bridge is Falling Down

Hellooooo everyone! As you can tell, especially from my very silly (and childhood memories invoking status), I am uberrr excited! Off to Europe in a bit, will be w the besties soon!!!! Yayyyyy! I have a God who answers prayers! (even though errr if my Mum had her way, the only travelling I will be doing is to work and back!)
As an added bonus, I FINALLY found a job! This recession is serious oh, it took forever finding one! I was about to gag if I had to fill another application form. Anyhoo, it's at the mall, but no BCBG-like store for those of you who were hoping to get discounts off of me. Work starts at the end of the month, and I can get my first ever pay check! *To be very honest, I'm not too keen on the 'Miss-Independent' look, especially if Daddy is ready and willing to subsidize...but seeing as he is no longer as willing...*sigh*

On another note, the most amazing thing happened to me a few nights ago. I was at home w my sister and some friends and we were all praying in different rooms. I was in the living room listening to some Gospel music then I just started worshipping. As I worshipped and magnified the name of the Lord more and more and began to pray in the Spirit my body began to itch and I felt like my whole area was on fire! Like really. It wasn't bad heat, lol. Try exciting! Especially as I KNEW it was only because the Holy Spirit was there.
Soooo...try it! Just worship. God inhabits the praise of His people and He created us to worship Him. If you decide not to, fine. Don't vex when He raises up stones in your place...not my words...HIS! :)
In a song I love called Bow Down, he says
-- The Bible declares that we are to worship Him in the beauty of holiness...I want you to focus on Jesus now, for He alone is worthy to be worshipped and worthy to be praised. The Bible records in Matthew 2: 11 When the wise men came in to the place where baby Jesus was, it says when they saw Him they fell down and worshipped Him. They bowed down and worshipped Him and the scripture says and then, their treasures were opened and they presented unto Him gifts and therein is a glorious revelation of the Spirit and it is this. when you and I will humble ourselves and begin to worship, the treasure that is within this earthen vessel begins to open up and the gifts of the spirit of God that are within us begin to flow. --

kay the excerpt was kind of long, but I hope you got the message. Have a blessed day and rest of the week!

xxx's and Jesus loves youuuu!

Friday, June 5, 2009

When I am weak...He makes me strong

Thought it'd be easier.
Thought it'd be a joke.
Thought it'd be nothing more than a reconnection.
Knew there was a resemblance.
Didn't think it would be that much.
Hoped you were a spitting image.
Didn't know it would be that obvious.
Unconsciously the tears fall.
Tears for something lost.
Tears for words unspoken.
Tears for things I did.
Tears for things I never said.
Tears for time wasted.
Tears for what you would have become.

I wrote the part above right after. I thought it'd be caring and 'nice' to find out how my friend's mum was doing. He passed away 3 and a half years ago and I had not checked up on her in a while. Then I realized his little brother who is 2 years younger than him is on facebook and I was mega excited when he accepted my friend request. We chatted a bit and I was surprised he remembered me because I think the only time he actually saw me was at his brother's funeral. He called me a couple of hours later, regardless of the fact that he is only a 12th grader and seeing as he's in Nigeria and I'm in the states, MTN/GLO credit isn't the easiest thing to come by. ANYHOW, we talked about anything and everything.
I was moved to tears and filled w joy when he changed his facebook status: "...very happy because someone or rather something has made him really smile for the first time in approximately 4 years..."
No, I have not felt that achieved in a while. If only he knew that he was the one that encouraged me. Yes, he's a spitting image of his brother, my then boyfriend, but he was able to look past his pain and open up his heart to be touched. I think nothing moved me more than when he said xxx was really really lucky to have had you.

I think this is what made my weekend more or less topsy-turvy. I started remembering all over again. You know the whole 'what-if' stage? Yaa, that period. Kind of like completing sentences that authors only left at commas. In Church on Sunday I was clearly burdened. I cried out to the Holy Spirit to heal me, I cried out to be filled. When you have a hole you can only cover it up, but until you fill and stitch it, it will always be just that, a hole. Thank God he sent one of my friends from Church, my sister's ex-boyfriend who is now w us in our spread of the Gospel. He talked to me and encouraged me so much.
You know sometimes things happen and we question God. As if He did not know what He was doing when He allowed to devil to wreck his 'havoc'.
Something he said stuck w me the most. I remember before the plane crash that killed my friends, said friend went for confession on Thursday, he died on Saturday. I remember because I wanted to talk to him and he was talking to God, lol. I can not claim to know his life and what his heart was, but I feel that if he had stayed on on earth, the things of this World may have caused him to fall by the way side. Because he's one of those guys that would have been London's hottest. Okay maybe I'm pushing it a bit. But you get the point. Those guys who are *cool* and all over the social scene? Yaa, those ones.
And then I realised that sorrow is not of God, so every time the devil gets me sad, he is pleased (actually try over joyed!) because he can say w all boldness that he has stolen my joy. And like Cece Winan's said, we're supposed to be taking territories right? Sooo, after reading a couple of Bible verses, I came out of that phase and was able to appreciate the little things in life, like simply being able to breathe! Whenever you are weak, think about this:

2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10b
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me....For when I am weak, then I am strong!

Sometimes we just need to put a smile on our faces. If you can't smile for yourself, smile for your neighbor, you don't know whose life it is changing

xxx's and Jesus loves you!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

I am the daughter that everyone mentions should lose weight more often than not. Even when by most standards I am slim as opposed to fat, I am not as skinny as my model-like sisters so I always stand out.
Most comments hurt, but I am more beautiful and talented than most so I bury the words deep down...but if you asked me I could repeat every single sentence.

I am the one who has never worked yet I love to travel. Not necessarily because I want to see the whole World, but I love holidays w my friends. Don't blame me, my high school was a second family. To everyone I seem like the demanding child. I am not. I just do not want to lose every memory we have made and make it be just that, a memory.

I am the daughter whose first year as a freshman was not too good. Yet I am still the A star student. The one who got into one of Nigeria's best high schools, the one with a college scholarship. But how easily people forget, and how quick they are to judge sans first trying on my shoes.

I am the girl who guys love to crush on and love to hate all the same time. It is not my fault I am picky. Maybe I have read too many books, maybe I have watched too many 'happily-ever-afters'. Either way, I shall not settle. There's no such thing as Mr Perfect, so I'll wait for Mr-almost-there. In the meantime, forgive me if I turn you down. It's not you, it's me

I am the servant tempted to hide my talent. I am the once beautiful writer who does not have much to build on these days. Blame all the work I have to do and the fact that I am tired by the end of everyday, or more like exhausted.

In the midst of all these, nothing is too terrible to face. Nothing but the weight comparisons. Don't burst a balloon just because you are done living your childhood, and if you are not giving constructive it!

xxx's and Jesus loves you!