When I am weak...He makes me strong

BEFORE
Thought it'd be easier.
Thought it'd be a joke.
Thought it'd be nothing more than a reconnection.
Knew there was a resemblance.
Didn't think it would be that much.
Hoped you were a spitting image.
Didn't know it would be that obvious.
Unconsciously the tears fall.
Tears for something lost.
Tears for words unspoken.
Tears for things I did.
Tears for things I never said.
Tears for time wasted.
Tears for what you would have become.

AFTER
I wrote the part above right after. I thought it'd be caring and 'nice' to find out how my friend's mum was doing. He passed away 3 and a half years ago and I had not checked up on her in a while. Then I realized his little brother who is 2 years younger than him is on facebook and I was mega excited when he accepted my friend request. We chatted a bit and I was surprised he remembered me because I think the only time he actually saw me was at his brother's funeral. He called me a couple of hours later, regardless of the fact that he is only a 12th grader and seeing as he's in Nigeria and I'm in the states, MTN/GLO credit isn't the easiest thing to come by. ANYHOW, we talked about anything and everything.
I was moved to tears and filled w joy when he changed his facebook status: "...very happy because someone or rather something has made him really smile for the first time in approximately 4 years..."
No, I have not felt that achieved in a while. If only he knew that he was the one that encouraged me. Yes, he's a spitting image of his brother, my then boyfriend, but he was able to look past his pain and open up his heart to be touched. I think nothing moved me more than when he said xxx was really really lucky to have had you.

I think this is what made my weekend more or less topsy-turvy. I started remembering all over again. You know the whole 'what-if' stage? Yaa, that period. Kind of like completing sentences that authors only left at commas. In Church on Sunday I was clearly burdened. I cried out to the Holy Spirit to heal me, I cried out to be filled. When you have a hole you can only cover it up, but until you fill and stitch it, it will always be just that, a hole. Thank God he sent one of my friends from Church, my sister's ex-boyfriend who is now w us in our spread of the Gospel. He talked to me and encouraged me so much.
You know sometimes things happen and we question God. As if He did not know what He was doing when He allowed to devil to wreck his 'havoc'.
Something he said stuck w me the most. I remember before the plane crash that killed my friends, said friend went for confession on Thursday, he died on Saturday. I remember because I wanted to talk to him and he was talking to God, lol. I can not claim to know his life and what his heart was, but I feel that if he had stayed on on earth, the things of this World may have caused him to fall by the way side. Because he's one of those guys that would have been London's hottest. Okay maybe I'm pushing it a bit. But you get the point. Those guys who are *cool* and all over the social scene? Yaa, those ones.
And then I realised that sorrow is not of God, so every time the devil gets me sad, he is pleased (actually try over joyed!) because he can say w all boldness that he has stolen my joy. And like Cece Winan's said, we're supposed to be taking territories right? Sooo, after reading a couple of Bible verses, I came out of that phase and was able to appreciate the little things in life, like simply being able to breathe! Whenever you are weak, think about this:

2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10b
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me....For when I am weak, then I am strong!

Sometimes we just need to put a smile on our faces. If you can't smile for yourself, smile for your neighbor, you don't know whose life it is changing


xxx's and Jesus loves you!