I remember

I used to call myself a procrastinator...but I don't say that anymore because even though I still wait before I do certain things, there is power in the tongue.

I have a quiz in four hours and I really am not ready. Do you know what I'm doing instead? Feeling bad for myself. And heaven helps those who help themselves right?

I decided to listen to a bit of Christian music and the first thing I chose was Cece Winan's Comforter http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcfBMdLbkNM

I think sometimes I just like to make myself sad. I really want to be a child again (but that's a post for another day) because isn't it true that as you grow older, whenever something sad happens you find yourself remembering every other sad thing that has happened over the course of your life?

Well I immediately went to my pictures and started staring at a picture of one of my friends who died in a plane crash over 3 years ago. But she's smiling in the picture so it did not feel right feeling sad. So I whipped out an old picture of a good friend and eventually boyfriend who was also on that crash and yup...you guessed it, that was when the tears started falling.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm still sad in terms of 'Why did they have to go?'

I just want to hear their voices one more time. Like Diddy said in Best Friend, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rmc1pnA9i-g 'I'd give anything to hear half your breath'

As I looked at the picture I remembered how soft his hands were, and my friends always told me I had baby hands so it was a pleasant shock knowing that his were only a little bit worse :)

I remembered how he used to write me short notes and poems and slip them into my locker during study hall *cheesy, I know*

I remember how I let him kiss me on my 15th birthday...it took him a full minute to get over the shock that I actually said yes, hahah!

If you know me in real life, please don't worry too much for I am not sad

I only remember...sometimes all we want is as hug...or a smile...or someone to hold you so you can cry it all out *God knows I thought I had exhausted all my tears*...or someone to slap you so you snap out of it *it's been over 3 years dammit!*...or a teddy...or a blanket...or a cup of hot chocolate and a good movie...sometimes all we need is love.

xxx's and Jesus loves you